A New Day a New Antwon

In 2016 our world as we knew it was turned upside down when we learned of the death of Antwon Shumpert.  Being from a small town in Tupelo ,MS it would appear that we would know everyone . And though it may be true in some respects is not always the case . When they first mentioned his name on that rainy Father’s Day morning , my heart dropped as I figured out that not only did I know him, I knew his family very well.

I knew his mother, his sisters and his brother. His mother was a faithful client of my mother’s hair salon  , she was a fixture in my life for more than 30 years.  His sisters and my brother attended the same college and we sang in that college’s gospel choir together.   Antwan   , or Ronnie as we knew him  , was murdered in cold blood in my City in my hometown .  Right in the neighborhood where  I grew up  just two streets over from my family home. Being from that neighborhood and riding my bike through the neighbor so often I couldn’t understand the validity of his murder. I had questions, we all wanted answers.

That Summer we marched, talked, yelled , cried,  prayed and screamed for justice not just for his wrongful death , we were marching for Justice for his children, his wife and those who could experience the same fate . Unfortunately our cries were not heard, the marching stopped, the rallies ended . The scale of justice was not balanced in our favor. Days after I read news story after news story of individual black males who have had the same fate. My heart and mind was grieved , not just because its another death  , its the fact that again its at the hands of those who are there to protect and to serve. In 2016 1093 individuals were killed at the hands of police , 6.6 percent of them were black.

One day as I was scrolling down facebook I saw a lone post about another young man who’s name happened to be Antwon Rose. This young man who was killed at the hands of the police just because he was running. What struck me with interest was his age. See he was born in 2000. My son, the one who just graduated from high school was born in the year 2000 as well .  I was allowed the opportunity to shower Peyton with love and attention  during his graduation and now we are preparing for his first semester of college. Antwon could have been my son.  And unfortunately his mother couldn’t celebrate with him as he graduated from high school ,instead she prepared his funeral. He was shot for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Are we guilty by association…maybe . But should our lives be taken just because of the association?

In this year alone 237 blacks have been killed by the hands of the police. This years  457 whites have been killed so it seems like they are the one’s who should be protesting and marching , but look at the statistics of our nation , there are over 247 million white people in the United States and only 37 million black /non Hispanics in the US. What does this mean? It means that there is either a problem with these numbers or there is a problem with our criminal justice system.

In many of these cases these individuals are shot either at close range or in the back . Which is how Antwon was shot,  3 times in the back as he fled the car in fear of what could happen to him  . He was not the driver , he had not committed any crime , they found nothing on him . Shot three times for no reason.  His only wish in life was that he wouldn’t become a statistic and that  his mother wouldn’t have to bury him young .  Why was he running …he was afraid.  We are always painted in a picture as a thug, a misfit , a threat to our society but in the words of Antwon Rose sometimes we are just, “confused and afraid.”  Basically…Tesha

The Fairy Tale of Love

So after my nightly walk. I walked into my house to take a bath and  my husband walks into the bathroom with me . I needed some time  as I was about to take a bath , and of course I shuffled him out because sometimes a girl needs her privacy. As he turned his back quickly he said something that just stuck with me…is this the fairy tale you had in mind when you thought of marriage? I couldn’t help but laugh because in all honesty I never had a fairy tale thought of marriage. I had a wonderful example of marriage with my parents so I never even gave much thought on how I wanted my marriage to be or what expectations I had for marriage.  As a sat and thought about it I see this all the time …people have a fantasy of how they want their marriage to be and when it doesn’t work out the way that they want it to work out they are done with the marriage. Or with that  particular marriage or relationship.

Where do we get these fantasies from ?  Really its simple , all you have to do is watch one or two Disney Movies and your world is shook . You think that this gentleman will sweep you off your feet and you will live happily ever after.  Or you will marry this person , who will always be dressed and always smells wonderful . You will always exchange pleasantries , like good morning love and have a nice day sweetheart. We don’t realize that he may stink , he won’t pick up after himself. He will make decisions that you don’t like and there will be plenty of days that you will not like him and he will feel exactly the same way about you .  He won’t realize that the size 2 body he married will grow to a size 12 after babies. With that growth , underwear grows and hair scarfs are found.  And guess what that’s okay. Its called the evolution of life .

Although those things happen its actually  very normal and very okay . And then  there are some rare moments where you are in the wrong marriage and maybe you need to reconsider marriage altogether or do some extra things just to make it work. Chances are when you get married you plan to be there for better or worse. And divorce is not an option , so just in case you missed all the red flags while you were dating and you didn’t realize you were unequally yoked, check out your states laws concerning annulment. But remember with that ,  you will add in other feelings and ,”what not,”  that you had not already considered during a divorce.  Allow divorce to be your last option. Needless to say those are sticky situations that I don’t want anything to do with. Here is the deal , romance is not a daily option when it comes to marriage. You have to figure out how to make things work with or without daily romance .

The first advice I would give to someone who is looking and longing for a relationship is don’t ignore the red flags.  These are things that could make you step out of your normal character and act like another person.  If there is something that you cannot deal with for a lifetime , go ahead and make a move before marriage and not after . People always say …well I didn’t pay attention to that while we were dating. You did , so many times  we see things and we don’t see it . Dating is so much fun and sometimes you’re having so much fun that you don’t pay attention to the fact that they make noises with their mouth and its annoying.  It happens to the best of us and it can be handled . Don’t ignore any sign , there is always counseling to help you cope .

Stop looking for happiness that you can provide for yourself. Its nothing like seeing two miserable people in a relationship with each other. Or one fulfilled person trying to be happy with someone who is unfulfilled and looking for their spouse to make them happy. It just doesn’t work that way.  My husband can purchase me the Western portion of the United States but if I’m not happy with my own life , I’m going to hate the fact that he thought that much of me to make such an amazing purchase.  So learn how to be happy on your own clock.

I love a RomCom ( romantic comedy) just like any other person .  And as much as I would love to have a breakfast at Tiffany’s moment every time my birthday rolls around , it’s not going to happen every year.  And though it may not happen every year it should happen every once in a while . I’m not by anyway giving someone an excuse to not be romantic and funny but its not a habitual thing.  Make romantic moments weekly or daily. At this stage in life , its romantic when my husband puts gas in my truck without me asking him . It does something to me to get in my truck and see the gas hand on FULL. Find what makes your spouse happy and make them happy. In my case food makes my husband happy,  I can go to Kroger and buy him a nice steak and he’s excited for weeks to come . That works for us.  Find what works for you .

Sometimes we just need hobbies.  Years ago I took up this hobby of writing . I never knew that I would be a full time blogger but that’s just what happens after you spend years jotting notes down in notebooks would turn into a passion , then a hobby and now a business. But its something that makes me happy and something I look forward to doing daily. With this passion for my life it has distracted me from thinking that I need all the extra things in life, well that and the fact that my parents were such a great influence growing up.  Finding something that makes you happy , makes everyone happy .  Set time in your weekly schedule to select something that you love to do and commit to it .

Lastly,  don’t give up so easily . Especially if you are already married   You won’t see everything working for you immediately but you have to learn how to keep quiet, trust , evolve, relate , communicate at the proper time and relax.  After all a fairy tale isn’t written in one day …Basically !

 

 

 

BasicallyTesha

 

Forgiveness

 

Can I be transparent for just a second. I know I say a lot about my life but sometimes those are just things you would find out about me on my social media accounts (http://facebook.com/basicallytesha) . I hardly ever share things with you that I would share with my best friends. But this is something that I cannot help but to open up and share with you …my new friends.  Something happened to me that was so emotional that it made me look at life in a completely different way. It completely changed my perspective on life. It required me to look at things on a different level.  To exercise view points that I never knew I had inside. I discovered a new Tesha, basically.

It was an ordinary Sunday morning. My husband was away working and training for the military. I decided to ride to church with eldest son , we went through Sunday School as planned and once it was all over something very simple caused a commotion . And before I knew it words were flying across the room , hitting walls , knocking over tables and smashing windows.  The one thing about words is that positive words build but negative words destroy and tear down.  That morning I left torn and disappointed . I climbed into my parents truck and drove myself home. I don’t remember taking my clothes off I don’t even remember what I was wearing and whether or not it was hot or cold . I don’t remember undressing my babies, I just remember being so angry . So angry that I couldn’t keep myself together. I just remember wondering how can I continue on and where do I go from here.

I made the decision that day to not look back.  I never discussed it in front of my children and I only talked about it once with my husband . I walked into church the next Wednesday night , and kept things moving . And that’s just what happened . Life kept moving . That’s what life does  , it moves whether or not we want to move with it  ,  it keeps moving  . In those moments I was giving knowledge from my parents who are also my Pastors on how to forgive and why it was important to forgive. I said within myself that as a Christian I can see myself forgiving easily but I cannot see myself forgetting  or even allowing myself to return back into the position that caused me to hurt . Who ever said you had to forget ? Shouldn’t forgiveness be enough? .One thing that I didn’t realize that in the process of walking through  true forgiveness , you have to let things go.  After all why would you forgive if you’re still holding bitterness in your heart.

There are a few lessons that you learn and a lot more that you earn . I earned that lesson . I made up in my mind that I would not be bitter, I won’t be messy, I want revisit it and I won’t relive it . Which is probably why I don’t remember the day as much. Several months passed.  I probably had a birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas happened.  We went through New Year’s Day,  Easter and Mother’s day and then the school year ended. Life did not stop, neither did I . As randomly as this event took place was as random as the event ended.  This past Sunday at approximately the same time , I heard two words that I thought I would never hear, ” I’m sorry.” I responded back with a big thanks but she didn’t know that I had forgiven her weeks or maybe even months before .  It was a relief that we both acknowledged forgiveness.

Life moves so fast and we can’t  spend too many hours focused on the wrong things. Never in my life have I ever been in the position of wondering why we don’t show more love rather than hate.  We spend so much time trying to tear someone’s character down that we are not realizing that we are destroying our own . Spend time seeing what is great about the next person instead of always trying to find out what is wrong with them .  And in closing … we should never wait on the moment to be asked for forgiveness ,  forgiveness should be a matter of the heart . And if there is love in your heart bitterness cannot and will not reside . Let things go, use your words to build not tear down .  I choose to live , laugh and  love…Basically !

The Skinny Mama…

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I have a lot of women that talk to me about weight loss and weight gain and being the perfect size.  And the truth is , everyone isn’t going to be that perfect size and its okay. The most important thing is not being skinny but its important that mom’s and dad’s take pride in their health for their kids sake.

In the early 2000’s I had a health scare. I was a new mom and a college student that lived off chips and sodas. In 1999 I weighed around 170 pounds. And though I am 5’7″ it was more than enough weight for my small frame. I needed to eliminate somethings from my diet but I wasn’t sure what was to go first. I learned pretty early that it wasn’t what I was eating it was more  Needless to say I changed my diet totally and within months I was around 125 pounds.

The thing that we need to realize that being healthy is not just about what you’re eating , its how you think and feel about yourself as well.  Positivity never hurt anyone , if you think happy thoughts of yourself , you will automatically feel better about yourself. And if you feeding yourself positive energy , outweighs feeding yourself bad foods  .

I wrote a book about my journey in being the Skinny Mama, here are a few things that I have in my book that can help you on your journey to being healthy.

1. Eat to Live. We often just eat from stress, emotional distress, and for comfort . And in those times we pick up the most inexpensive foods we can find . And most of the times those foods aren’t very healthy for us . In those times find things that can help you out with those hunger pains . Fresh Fruit, nuts and empty calorie foods can help you when you are in those moments where you just need to chew.  And it doesn’t hurt to take time to meditate and not eat. You may also want to kill the gum because it generally makes you hungry even when you’ve just eaten .

2. Cut down on your quantities . This is the first thing I did when trying to trim my waist line was to pay attention to what I was putting into my body and how much I was putting into it.  There were quite a few times where I would eat an entire family size bag of chips in one setting. Instead of just saying I will not eat chips anymore , I started looking at the serving size. There are nine servings in a bag of chips . Take those and place them in baggies and only eat one or so per week . No need to eat an entire bag of chips in one week.  Make sure you understand how many calories are in the item that you are considering eating. It is also safer to eat more from home and not so many fast food restaurants.

3. Add exercise to your life.  I was in college and couldn’t find a good parking spot I learned the importance of exercise. Only 20 minutes a day can get your heart pumping and get you in the right position to lose weight. Everyday I take 20 minutes for myself just for cardio , walking/running.  Its good for your heart and if you are at a great speed you can also eliminate those unwanted calories. Don’t spend money on a gym you can get rid of those calories by just hanging out with your kids for one day .

All of these things and more can help you on your goal of being the best Mommy you can possibly be …Basically !

A Guide to Buying Clothes for Kids…

I love to shop . And to me the best part of shopping in finding a bargain . When I had my last three kids I had to learn the hard way that bargain shopping wasn’t a bad thing. Picture me with 3 babies all under the age of 3 trying to save money as well as making sure that they were well dressed. Hand me downs didn’t work in my case I had one really tall baby girl and one premie and the last was a boy . So I didn’t even get to hand down car seats.  I had to learn how to shop and I had to learn quickly. This is post is for new moms, and moms of multiples.

Because we stayed home most of the day I learned that things like tee shirts and jeans were a waste of money and time unless we had some place to go that I couldn’t get by in sleepers. I invested in sleepers. You can purchase sleepers anywhere , I preferred the one’s from Carter’s . They were virtually stain proof, held up during unfortunate diaper accidents and the knees didn’t wear out as they learned to crawl. The best time to purchase these sleepers are during off seasons. My babies were born in the Spring and Summer so I hit the jackpot with footie sleepers . They were on sale and if you purchased enough you would get money that will go toward a new purchase. I live in the south and yes it gets hot here but when they are smaller they are inside so it didn’t affect us .

I chose Walmart for the clothes we wore when we had to go to places likes the grocery store and out to the park to play . Why  Walmart? Well Walmart has clothes under $5 and the way kids make messes these clothes could be worn once and then tossed and there was no remorse. Now I was limited on the things I purchased from Walmart. If you want clothes that will last longer than one wear, only by tee shirts and some of their shorts . Wash them on delicate in cold water and lay them flat to dry.   Also take advantage of their shoes. Kids grow out of shoes so fast , Walmart is the best place to purchase play shoes or shoes for school especially if they frequent playgrounds.

I shop at Kohl’s for some of their important clothes , these are the clothes that we wear to youth group, doctor appointments and sporting events. Skirts , leggings, jeans, shorts and jeggings are all purchased at Kohls. Kohl’s features  Sonoma and Jumping Beans and they have  all sorts off mixed and matched clothes and they are often at fun prices. And if you shop on the weekends you can often collect Kohl’s cash …the best part of that is that your next outfit can be on them. And Kohl’s always and I mean always has coupons, 10%-20% can be your next cup of coffee.

Another go to place for clothes is Carter’s again Carter’s has amazing sales. And once you’ve spent over $50 you get $10 dollars in cash to spend on your next purchase . One thing about Carter’s is often you can  purchase more than one item with that $10 back and since I have multiples they often have sales that are buy one get one 1/2 off or buy one get two free. The selection is wonderful and their fabric is just what kids need.

There are few pieces that we all need to make investments in like boys clothes, dresses,  jeans, church shoes and sandals  . Saving the money that I have saved by shopping very thrifty gives me the opportunity to purchase some major items  and still not break the bank. Some items are just worth the investment more than others. I look at boys Sunday clothes as those items to make an extra investment i. Also girls smock dresses , mary jane’s and sandals are investment pieces but you don’t have to break the bank in making these purchases if you purchase them out of season. Take advantage of those end of season sales or going out of business sales.  I purchased some items from Gymboree during their going out of business sales that will probably be used  next fall. You can gage how big your child is and if you cannot you can always sell the items to buy new items.

Another place for me to purchase some of the more expensive pieces is TJMaxx, Marshalls and Burlington. It takes some time to look so take a day during the week when you have time to look carefully.  They carry brands like Ralph Lauren , Jessica Simpson and more . And though people think that these items are over runs or items that are messed up they are often the same things that are in the stores currently just at half the price.

One thing that I also learned really early is that shoes were optional when you have babies. They don’t walk , and if they are crawling the shoes can be ruined. I saved a ton of money by waiting until it was time to walk for shoes and then I made an investment . I spent $80 on walking shoes and they usually carried them until age 2 or 3 depending on when they started walking  . Some very good stores let you trade your walking shoes in for their first pair of sneakers. Again shoes are my investment to my children, prices are usually not an option because you want to get your money worth when buying shoes for kids. The only exception is play shoes.

All in all use wisdom in shopping . Kids don’t care if they are wearing Ralph Lauren or Osh Kosh …Basically

 

Raising Kids

There is no easy way to raise kids.  There are no rule books that you must follow. Basically once you give birth to a baby you are on your own . It is up to you on what you want your kids to eat, how much you want them to eat. You are the person who introduces them to their first words, their first foods, how long they can play outside. Which toys they can play with and how much time they should be playing. Usually we teach them the words, thank you or if you’re southern you teach them to say yes ma’am and no ma’am, yes sir and no sir. And chances are once they are speaking we teach them that polite words are always please and thank you .

You know from the time I had my first son till the time I had my last son , times had really changed ( 13 years) . 18 years ago I wasn’t worried about BPA in bottles, or whether or not formula was good. I didn’t care about him being outside bare foot or the cartoons that he watched having an emotional affect on his life. I did care if he ate  enough, got plenty of sunlight and was able to articulate his feelings , I also cared if he respected his elders.  I think that my village was able to produce a well rounded young man . Fast forward to this time and life is so much different. Not only are we very over protective of our kids, we are raising a group of bullies.

I cannot even count on my hands the amount of times I have gone to playgrounds, youth sessions and saw so many children who were not only rude but they didn’t understand what it means to share. They couldn’t use words to articulate their feelings, they spent too much time crying and hitting instead of talking and trying to understand that life is about waiting your turn , and to allow someone to have a turn. Then we have these parents who sit back and think this is cute.  They say things like, ” she loves to swing,” “she’s never had to share,” “I’m so sorry, they never act like this at home.”  They laugh but its troubling.

Trust me these lessons mean the world to anyone who has to deal with children on a regular basis. I work as a youth pastor and trust me the worse students are those that feel entitled. I know that I mentioned it being no rule book for raising your kids but here is a list of things that I’ve learned with my children , it helped me and I am sure it’ll help you as well.

  1. There are more people in the world than them.
  2. Sharing is caring.
  3. You solve problems by talking and reasoning.
  4. Other problems are solved by being quiet and listening.
  5. It never hurts to say I’m sorry.
  6. Always be polite.
  7. Please and Thank you are magical words.
  8. Always add a prefix when speaking to an Adult Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms etc
  9. Always treat someone like you want to be treated.
  10. All comments shouldn’t be heard.
  11. Everyone has something special about them .
  12. It’s ok to lose.
  13. Work hard at everything you do .
  14. Naps are always the best way to solve a bad day.
  15. Speak to everyone every time you enter a room .
  16. If someone gives you anything no matter what it is …always say Thank you.
  17. Never exclude anyone bc they may seem different than you . You maybe different to them.
  18. Sometimes being quiet is ok.
  19. Parents always have the last say.
  20. Always keep your hands to yourself.

 

I am sure there are more that I left off but all of these lessons I have had to teach to all of my kids these 20 things at one time or another . Did they learn all of these lessons once ? No but practice makes perfect…well Basically!

This is What…

So as I promised I will continue to blog about some of the television shows that I watch and as promised I will just give my own opinion of what I see and how it affects my life based only on  the way I think about life and people in general. I need to mention to you that I am a reality television obsessor. I mean I could watch that junk all day and hardly get tired .  But just like everything , variety is the spice of life. As I ventured on Facebook and Twitter I looked at the continuous updates on the wonderful brand new NBC drama… This Is Us. And I had to see what the hype was about/

So here is the story in a nutshell. Man meets a wonderful lady, they fall in love and get married in their favorite bar . They develop a mutual attraction to football. Their favorite team being the Steelers, ( which happens to be my Dad’s favorite team) so they get pregnant with triplets and give them the nickname the Big 3 . Which is also a play on football , the BIG 10.  While giving birth , one baby doesn’t survive . At the same time another baby is born  to a totally different family and abandoned.  The doctor , who happens to be Suzane Sugarbaker’s real life husband and a once Mississippi resident  , tells the new parents to adopt this abandoned baby who just happens to be black. They take his advice , because they are obviously open individuals.  And they were missing their 3rd baby .

The triplets are probably born in 1989 and so they grew  up in the 90’s . I love this part because its very nostalgic for me considering I grew up in that time frame. If you look at their house and some of their clothes you may think 70’s/90’s honestly I wasn’t sure until they actually put the dates up . They had a stainless steel refridgerator in their house in like 93 and idk if I knew anyone with one in that year. We all wanted Black or White appliances for our kitchens, or it could have been just a southern thing but they also had granite again that wasn’t popular until maybe 1999.  I like the family make up becuase it reminds me of growing up with two brothers , well except for the part where we are not all the same age.  And of course they lived in a suburd and drove a 1984 Jeep Cherokee.

Here’s the problems that I have with the story line. Randle …the 3rd triplet and the one they adopted is black and very sensitive. Not only did he not grow up with his parents but he has all sorts of issues. First things first he’s very emotional. Why do I have a problem with this? Well I know black males and I have two brothers, 3 son’s , a husband and a Dad . I have like 35 male cousins and a host of Uncle and I cannot name one that is as emotional .  I mean even with anxiety they still aren’t as emotional. To make things worse his biological father the one who signed him over in the hospital…is gay, a former drug addict and is terminally ill. I mean seriously everything that you could find wrong in life this man has endured including missing out on a prosperous career to care for his sick mother . . In turn Randle’s wife is very strong as she has taken over the role as sole provider for the family since Randle allowed his anxiety and emotional issues interfere with having a rather good jobb. And  his children have issues and resulting in the family surviving in  television chaos.  But they have a nice house and Randle’s car is dreamy .

The other children have their own issues as well. The actor son , is an alcoholic.   Who left his wife and has bailed on most of the relationships in his life. Most importantly , his father who he never felt love or support from . And the daughter is over weight and blames herself for what happens to her father who has died after a house fire.  She mets her boyfriend at a meeting for over weight individuals they fall madly in love and she gets pregnant. And then loses the baby after a fall in the shower.  And Mom married Dad’s best friend after her husband dies after he successfully escapes a house fire and makes it to the hospital and the end of the super bowl game that was still playing although they were sleep when the fires started in their home .   I sure hope this isn’t patterned after no one’s real life.

 

This show is filled with drama. I mean other than that time Kate ( the daughter)  told off her bosses daughter I haven’t walked away happy that I watched this show . Yet I cannot help myself but to tune into HULU and watch and be depressed for the rest of the night  . Would I recommend this show to my friends …yea Basically!

 

Tesha

Kylie Jenner is a Baby Mama

The entire month of March will be dedicated to some of my favorite shows and to tell you why I watch them and what I get from them . I know I am starting early but I want to make sure that I devote as much time to them as need be . The first show that I will talk about is Keeping up with Kardashian’s . I will probably break this down into two sections but the first one will be on Kylie Jenner.

In the early part of February when our minds and hearts were not on Kylie and wondering if she in fact had a baby bump a video was released . A seven minute video and I was there for all of it. As the video came on it showed her birth story . It was broken down into interviews from some of closest friends. They said things like …” when I found out about you …” and it goes on to a dinner party that included her baby daddy’s family  . We met Chicago West in this video and finally we welcomed Stormi into the world at the end of the video. I can honestly say it was the sweetest video. I actually admired her ability to keep the entire pregnancy to herself . And the fact that when she was ready to announce  she had the the opportunity to announce it on her watch . I was intrigued by the baby shower, the massive amounts of money she spent on that day alone. And that the entire time she was knowledgeable enough to put together a video for all of her fans. I took it all in , I waited the few days for her to announce the name of the baby . And because I don’t really know her baby’s father I had to look him up. Who was he ? What did he do? I wanted to know things.  I was interested and though I was an college freshman when Kylie was born …I was just there for all of it .

After all of this I had to be a realist about the whole situation . It was in a quick reality checking moment that I said…Kylie is a baby Mama. But she’s not just a baby mama she’s a multi-millionaire baby mama. Which means that she has the money to afford a baby alone .  She has the money to afford a (or multiple ) full time nanny.  She has the ability to continue own with her life , even if she and her new boyfriend doesn’t work out.

But has she set every other girl who isn’t married up for failure? YES. I remember being 21 , unmarried and pregnant. It was horrible . And the fact that me and the father of my son couldn’t get it together was the worse. Its not even about the money because I never struggled or lacked . It was the fact that I had to somehow raise this child and know that one day I will marry someone else. He will always have a different father and there will be many days that we just won’t get along . And then one day he or I will bring someone into their life and it was up to us to accept it . Period.

I thought about all the single ladies who are doing gender reveal parties alone . All of those who want lavish baby showers and have to have them alone and those who never gets proposed to . We want to live like we are famous. Announcing the birth of our child, only posting pictures of our babies after weeks of people wanting to see the baby . We are breaking the bank for showers, clothes, baby gear just to keep up with the Kardashians and then we don’t invest in our children’s life in other ways.

Let us not forget that this lady has a make up line she and her sister have a successful clothing line and she is on a hit television show . Not to mention some of the other things that she’s doing . She owns several homes and probably a lot of other things that we don’t know about . Her life is far more vast than most of ours and bigger than some of us will ever be. Don’t let the idea of what she has become your only view in life.

Have these reality shows set us up for failure?

If I could do it all over again and knew what I know now . My bank account would have had more than $2000 in it before I had a baby . Better yet I would have waited till I was married. We need to learn how to build an empire for ourselves…even it means completing our education and getting a job.  Let’s not let individuals who have way more than us become our reality causing us to only grow in some areas but not all …well basically

 

Tesha

 

It is What it IS

So my mother and I were having a conversation about relationships . And we both had differing opinions on how to handle relationships. I trust everything my mother tells me and I try to take into account what she says and live by her principles but this is one thing that has challenged me my entire life. I just don’t believe that we have to like everybody and talk to everyone just because we are in association with each other . I find it hard to devote myself to this aspect of life . I know you are wondering why I feel this way but I have a history of dealing with individuals and it started at a young age . So at this age it is just difficult to change my ways.

I’ve told you guys this before but I am the daughter of two pastors. My Dad started pastoring before I was born and before he was married to my mother . I grew up with a lot of people around me . My mother was also a hairstylist and for a few years she did hair at our home. Again I grew up with a lot of people around me.  I wasn’t as sensitive to people as I am now growing up. I believed in my heart that everyone was a good person. I thought that if they were around me they were genuine. I thought if I was nice to people they would be nice to me . And then one day out of the clear blue someone told me that they didn’t like me . I was destroyed. For the life of me I don’t know why I was so devastated by one person telling me that they didn’t like me . But if you run with a group of girls and one girl hates you there is a major trickle down effect . Pretty soon nobody will like you . As a pastors daughter I wasn’t taught hate. I didn’t know how to hate , I didn’t know how to defend and I couldn’t understand why someone would just not like me. I was 4. One of my bigger cousins told me how to react to those little girls who didn’t like me ( she taught me how to roll my eyes ) . I didn’t know that these eyes could create hatred to those you were doing it to (LOL).

I went to school two years later , made a few friends . And then it happened again . What did I do? I never understood. I just learned to cope with it . I learned to just talk to everyone . Play by myself when applicable and make my way thru school.  I made a few best friends throughout middle school and high school , no real lasting relationships. I had already learned in Kindergarten that people don’t have to be nice to you just because you are nice to them .So having a friends was something that was important but I learned how to cope by having general conversations with everyone. I became a pretty likable person , and though I hated school and graduated without a best friend  I made it through school and the cycle started again in high school.

See I am one of those outgoing girls. I’m silly I love to laugh and make people around me laugh. But I am also okay to be alone . Because of my track record with friends I’m cautious. At least I try to be cautious. By the time I graduated from college I realized that the only people who were going to be in my life are the ones I want to be in my life. I was 22 years old when I developed that mantra for my life . I’ve felt the best when I have allowed people to enter when I want them to enter.

Now it isn’t always something that you can do when you are the daughter of the Pastor. Sometimes your choices makes people think that you don’t like them . I love everyone in my parents church . I cannot deny that but does that mean that I need to share a coke with them , does that mean that I have to be around whenever they call for the family to come in . Here is my thing about this …we are just supposed to love. There is nothing that is written that says I have to converse.  This is especially important to me because people tend to change churches a lot . My parents invest so much time and attention in people and then one day they are gone , are we still friends? Do we still talk? 9 times out of ten we don’t .

I know this sounds more like a rant but its just my reality … it is what it is basically

Tesha

Everything You Need to Know Before You Blog

So initially I began blogging in 2005. I had read somewhere that there were people actually making money from home blogging . I was like this is exactly right up my alley . Not only do I like to write but the fact that I could actually make money and sit on my butt was even better. So I hopped on to blogspot and started writing . At that time you could add adsense  very easily and there you go. No one ever told me all of the other things that you need to do before you’re a professional. I was clueless and I only made like $5 in like 5 years . So I started to do my homework and I learned that just being a great writer isn’t the only thing you need to become a successful blogger.

This will probably be the only time I do this but I wanted to give you a quick lesson on how to blog for a living. Get your pens and pencils together and lets take a few notes .

  1. Do your homework. This means reading other bloggers information. Don’t be a know it all because you can never learn it all , you will always have to be a willing participant to learn. During this process things will change , rules will change . And there is someone who is always ahead of you and there is nothing wrong with that .  Get on the internet , Facebook and twitter , see who’s blogging . Read it and follow it . Always ask questions. They are usually willing and ready to help you . And as long as you’re reading their blogs , they are willing to help you .
  2. Find your niche. People need to write about things that they can relate to the most. I hardly ever do these type post unless its in relation to relationships. I am a lifestyle blogger and mommy blogger. I deal mostly with life. You know those things that make us tick and how to effectively put on your make up when your cleaning and cooking . Make sure you are not choosing something that you hate writing about . I won’t write about make up bc I’m not obsessed with it . I won’t write about dogs because I don’t know anything about dogs. So find things that fits with your life comfortably .
  3. Now its time to start writing . First thing first , when you are just starting out , don’t  pay for a website . You WILL NOT MAKE ANY MONEY in the beginning. So even tho someone will tell you that you will make money…you will NOT . So don’t quit your day job , make blogging a hobby for now. I recommend wordpress. You can do a lot with wordpress and there on the wordpress website site you will meet other bloggers. FOLLOW THOSE BLOGGERS. READ THEIR BLOGS.  I did say make this a hobby…but you’ll need to write almost daily. And read more than you write.
  4. Join Social Media sites. If you are not already a part of social media, join them . The top 4 places you need to join Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. There are a few other places that are a must but these places are the best for beginners. On these sites you will find other people like you . Meet them , follow them , read their information. They will love you for this . And when its your turn to promote , they will remember you and reciprocate. Also on these sites you can post your blog pages. Relax if no one comments on them …wordpress let’s you know that they are reading them .
  5. So you have found groups , you are on social media and you have written like 100 blogs and you are so ready to make money. It’s time to purchase a website from a place like Godaddy or bluehost. This is an investment , why well on some of these hosting sites you will have to pay an upfront fee. So make sure that at the time you think you’re ready to make this a living you have the money to invest.
  6. How will I make my money back . Remember your niche I mentioned earlier , you will spend days and nights on twitter , Facebook and instagram getting your numbers ups . (This means followers and likes ) You will need consistent growth in order to make money . I mean why would I come to your page and your friends aren’t even reading them . No investor would want to invest in that either . So while you are building your brand you have to build your following too. There are several different ways to do this …one is the groups I mentioned above and there are a few others that I did not mention . Don’t buy likes and followers that never works .
  7. Marketing groups. I will come back to this blog and update it . But there are a few marketing sites you can join . In these sites they will give you things to promote. Sounds easy …yes if you have the followers to back this , so make sure you do that part before jumping ahead and looking into these groups .In the meantime it doesn’t hurt to reach out to some places and ask them if you can market their product . It never hurts to ask .
  8. Also make sure you have a great name for your blog. You will want something that is easy and catchy and something that doesn’t require a lot of typing . I’m basicallytesha and most of everything I promote has my name in it . It’s like a keychain and if someone is looking for me its simple to find.
  9. Don’t stress the small stuff . There are going to be a lot of people who try to discourage you . But if you believe that this is what you’re supposed to be doing . Keep moving forward and don’t allow anyone to dim your light .
  10. Remember to keep up with your word count when writing . I have read some blogs with five words or less. That’s not a blog , that’s a text message. Also include pictures and what not if necessary.

 

I really hope I have help you in your blogging journey. Happy Blogging …basically

Tesha [adsenseyu2]