Christmas is Here!!!

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ho would have ever believed that 2011 would go by fast. I can remember last year after moving to Birmingham, AL we spent our very first Christmas expecting the birth of our first little girl. I was only 5 months along kinda fat and counting down the days til I was able to get back into a belt and a pencil skirt and let us not forget those four inch platforms.

Christmas 2010 was a bit unusual, not only did we get our first snow fall in 20 years on Christmas but it was my first time that I was ( and not from college) driving in and making arrangements about where and when Christmas would take place. Sometimes the last few days of the year can really determine how your next year will turn out.

After driving back to Birmingham my husband and I spent New Year’s Eve watching Netflix Movies. On that same day we found out we were in fact having a little girl. So the earlier part of the day we bought a few pink items for the baby  which was something new for me , I was used to boys. We had planned to stay up the entire night and indulge in film , little did I know that before 10 PM he would be sleeping . I prepared myself to welcome the new year in alone. With a peanut butter snickers, a big kit kat and a bag of cheetoes I lifted my glass of water and counted down to midnight , and as the old year ended and new year began lightening struck and a roll of thunder sounded.  Alarmed I reached for my husband who was by then snoring uncontrollably , he didn’t move. I  then reached for the phone to make sure I was not the only person who heard the thunder roar. I wasn’t alone, no fireworks went off that night, there were no yells or screams from neighbors and little to no traffic.

The year came in chaotic.  The months seemed to drag,I can remember wanting the spring to hurry up and come but it never seemed to happen. I can also remember driving through the rain and storms as the tornadoes ripped through the south in April.  Funny thing is that right after the storm is when I was blessed to finally give birth to my baby, PK.

Although this year was filled with chaos and disappointment it was also year of reconciliation and change.  Somehow even though we lost lives and certain thing ended it seemed like God was preparing us for a clean slate for the new things that were in store for us in the next year. In this year relationships were also renewed, and confirmed.

As we spend the next 20 days or so decorating our homes, buying Christmas gifts , and having Christmas parties , lets reflect on the year and what we have done , and what we have not done. Take some time to mend some relationships, take time notes on yourself and ask yourself what can I change about myself that could possibly change the outcome of my  life in the next year , then  take some time to laugh, love and be happy!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

My Baby Daddy!

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here are many subjects that catch my attention. Mostly because it has or it had something to do with my existence. Over the years I always say that I’ve lived the best of both worlds. Although sheltered for most of my life , I was a PK ( as Pastors Kid) so I have had my fair share of experiences that were lived through others. Life sometimes seemed like a soap opera but in reality that was their reality. I should have watched some of these experiences from and distance and never allowed myself to get wrapped up in a reality that was far from my upbringing.

When I was just 21 years old I became pregnant with my son Peyton. Upon telling the father that I was indeed having his baby, his response was  , “we don’t have to be together to have a baby.” Prior to that point we had , “been together,” for years! Astonished at his response to me , I had to tell my parents this bit of news and start preparing my mind to live with a baby daddy.

I decided to attend another school in a different state. I chose to just move on. From the point he made his comment , no tears were she , no frustration ,  and no fear, I just moved on. There were days that I felt like things should have been different. Hormones and other things influenced some of the feelings that I had, but for the most part I was fine with his decision.

While I was in school trying to keep up with my classes and trying to hold up in mind that I was carrying a baby for someone who didn’t want me , I often thought that even though I was raised differently and more was expected out of me I was no different from anyone else. I fell into the same cycle as everyone else. But just because I was there didn’t mean I had to remain there!(So despite all the stories you have heard about me , none of them are true I just wanted a real life  drama free!!!)

The thing about this , is that I am not alone in my story . There are countless women that stand in my same shoes . The difference is how you handle things. When I first started the thought of this blog my husband asked was I going to man bash and throw all men under the bus . And yes for the most part that was my objective but the more I read into the epidemic ( and it is an epidemic) of baby daddism I realized that it’s not all the fault the man and it’s probably going to be up to the woman to stop this cycle.

Women lets face it when it comes down to strength to provide and take care of a family, we have it. Whether you are married or not its up to you to make sure that things are done in the house. So its got to be up to us to stop the cycle!

To be continued…

My Baby Daddy II

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As I worked on our weekly television broadcast, I decided to do a search on the definition of a baby daddy . As if there is an actually real definition of what it is. To my surprise the internet is loaded with definitions of what it is to be a , “baby’s daddy.” But its quite funny that none of the definitions included the words dead beat, low down, unwilling, selfish , ungrateful, indecisive, good for nothing,  or disrespectful . The phrase Baby Daddy was popularized by a song in the 90’s and has since gained popularity as celebrities use the phrase to describe their significant others. However , “Baby Daddy’s ” have been around for centuries.

One of the first could be , Abraham. He fathered a son by Hagar, his wife’s handmaiden. But our first real examples in the United States of baby daddy’s will take us back to slavery times. In slavery times , Master or Massah would pick an individual lady to be his main girl.  He would use and abuse her body sometimes willingly most of the time unwillingly ( on the part of the female). And once she had  his baby , he was on to the next. Funny thing is that historical stories passed down throughout the years would suggest that Master was happy that he had in fact impregnated the slave , however because she was lower than an animal he would not take the time to nurse or nourish that baby that was flesh of his flesh ( sound familiar) . Oftentimes we see stories where that baby grew up in the house as a maid or a baby nurse. They may have inherited some land but all in all they were not embraced as a son or daughter.

See for so long we have blamed one thing after the other on the black male but in fact a lot of things didn’t come from the black man.  This is why I know that we can change history and we can change a generation. I am reminded of my upbringing,my mother being a hairstylist , spent a lot of her late nights in the salon. Dinner was always prepared for us and there were always plenty of after school snacks available, But for the most part we spent our nights with our father. He took us to dance, cheerleading, soccer, cross country, reading circle, play practice, chorus , band and more. My father having been raised by his father , knew what it was to be a real father . The thing about this is that now that my oldest brother is a father he’s doing the same thing. I see a lot of my male cousins participating in the lives of their children the same ways. This what we call generational blessings!!!

More to come

Wishing I knew the End at the Beginning…

I have grown up in church and it has been said in constant repeat that God knows the ending at the beginning. So with that said, this makes me realize that although God created Adam and Eve out of perfection, he knew from the beginning that Eve was going to cause the fall of man in the same manner he knew that after the flood , Noah’s son Ham was going to tell his brothers about him being drunk and naked. God knew that after 33 years of life Jesus was to be hung on the cross for the remission of our sins and God knew that Peter would cuss.  God knew who we were going to be while we were being formed in our mother’s womb.  Although we have choices that we have to make, no matter what  God knew what choice we were going to make . Gosh that’s awesome to me!!!

Now  have you ever wanted to know the end of a thing at the very beginning? I mean you meet the perfect person , and it seems like they could possibly be the one for you , but you never know all the processes, or the bad times that you will have to encounter to either make it to the end successfully ( and when I say the end I mean marriage) or to end the relationship tragically ? Or you carry a baby for 9 months or nearly 10 months and you have great expectations for your baby and the baby comes out crying and never stops for nine or ten months. You say to yourself , if I had known this , this baby could have stayed in Heaven (LOL). Or you buy your dream car, in the color that you want . Then you realize that it takes more gas to fill up the car and where you had money to take trips here and there, you are now more worried about the amount of gas its going to take you to get to the mall instead of how well the car drives?

Now a days there is an influx of individuals seeking psychic advice, running to mediums and using prophets as a go to guide in order to know how to conduct your life. The funny thing about this , is they may in fact see your future but they can never predict the journey you will take to get there. Hmmm, I’m at a loss for words right there.

All in all let’s seek counsel before making major decisions, and choose wisely!!

Tesha

The Mind of a Man

Having grown up in a house full of men I thought that I would have the advantage when it came time to get married. I thought I understood the male smell, I could deal with all the talk about sports, spitting was of a common place in my house. I got pushed around, tripped consistently , pushed down the stairs. I picked out my brothers clothes, I understood waist and length, shoe size. I paid attention to men’s fashion, and cologne flavors. I just thought I was the perfect woman for a man , that is until I got married.

The day I got married I understood the book , Men are from Mars and Women are from Jupitar, or whatever its called. Men and women are two totally different beings and unless you don’t care about nothing in life , you will never meet a perfect man.  Even though we women are more than just perfect (:)) we’re the epitome of perfection. OK so I’m pushing the envelop a little bit but it is quite true that women  , don’t , will and won’t ever think like a man. No matter what Steve Harvey says!!! ( Please tell him I said that )

So we as women have to adjust and when I say adjust I really mean we have to adjust to the mind of a man.  Yes he’ll do simple things like get up extra early in the morning to do things for themselves and totally forget when you need to do things for yourself. They cannot remember to pay all the bills, forget about the toilet seat, they never know when the house is out of soap or toilet paper until they cannot find any and when the garbage has no garbage bag in their mind it is OK to just throw garbage in the empty pail, so what if the clothes aren’t dry in the dryer , that one shirt can be wrinkle just because they cannot seem to put up their clothes in the right place and they cannot find a shirt that they need. Men hardly ever think about a rainy day fund, that Sony 60 inch HD television is far more important. Who cares about buying groceries for the family, eat up what you find in the kitchen and then ask , ” what you gone cook?” And don’t let them get a hobby , they will emerge themselves totally in the hobby with time and money forgetting about everything else but what they are doing at the moment , which brings me right to multi-tasking … it will never happen!!!

We women will never understand the mind of a man and we should not ever try , the thing we must do is to stop bashing men because of lack of understanding but we should embrace the creature that God created first.  The man is designed to be the head of the family and we should celebrate him just as that, the head, and stay in our lane as the women. Beautifully the mind was developed to be different for the man and the woman . I see my son’s (12,8) already preforming in their role as protector and I am teaching them how to be givers and my little girl (1) is already in her lane bossing her brothers and figuring out how to nurture and love and her father is teaching her how to become a receiver in the love and the chastising that he gives.

All in all women stay in your lane, love your mate and love life!!!

Tesha

I guess I was chosen for this…

Recently I have seen my life flip right upside down. Out with the old and in with new. I have moved from two states twice , I moved from a smaller home to a larger home and back again  , had two babies in one year. My body has gone from 152 lbs to 120lbs and back twice in one year. And everytime I feel like I can see the clearness of a new day, BANG I’m back to where I started. Well at least this time I’m not pregnant. The Lord is doing a work… to be continued.

I’m Blessed!

Recently I was at my parents home and I was watching one of the shows that we had recently filmed for television. After the show had gone off , we felt uplifted. Even though it was my Mother who was giving the word on television and I had already viewed the video it seemed like it was a fresh wind that entered into the room. After the show had gone off my mother asked me had I heard a song called I’m Blessed. I shook my head no but since the song was by a secular artist, I decided to looked it up on youtube. The song began with a dynamic beat and immediately I began tapping my feet. But as the lady ( Jill Scott) started to sing the lyrics , I begin to realize how God can bless you with the simple things but because we are so overwhelmed by what we don’t have we forget to simply say thanks for the simple things.

When I first got married my husband and I chose to live in Birmingham , AL. For about a 3 month period we lived in a small two bedroom apartment in Inverness, a suburb of Birmingham. We had found a home in the Pleasant Grove community and was set to close on the home in April 2011. Papers were signed or so we thought, you see I had forgot to sign one of the papers. I had gone home to be with my family when the bank called and said the papers were incomplete. I told the bank officer that I would return to Birmingham the next day to sign the papers. That night a tornado came threw Pleasant Grove and destroyed the area that we were about to move into ,we missed the storm, the papers were not signed the deal was null and void and the house, well there isn’t a house there anymore. I’m blessed!

Not too many months after that I gave birth to my first baby girl, ironically because of the storm PK was born in Tupelo instead of Birmingham. The doctors and nurses raced around to have my information faxed for UAB to NMMC, a few minutes after getting to the hospital I was given oxygen because with every contraction her heart rate decreased. It was at last time to push. My husband who was still employed in Birmingham was on his way to the delivery. My mother came to the hospital with me, I pushed and with every push my babies heart rate got lower and lower. The doctor said she has to come out now , I could hear my mother praying in my ear. When the baby came came out she was completely gray and limp, the cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times . She was not breathing . My mother began to pray, they called in the neonatal team  , I looked over to the side as they worked with my baby for what seemed like hours. I could hear my mother speaking in tongues to the left of me and suddenly there was a faint cry. Color began to come back into her body, she was breathing normally and she was healthy! I’m blessed!

We moved to Tupelo 6 months after Pk’s birth. Found a home that was ok, because Anthony is a carpenter by trade we decided that after we purchased the home we would make it our own and flip the home and sale it really fast. Two months after we moved into the home we learned that we were expecting once again and flipping the home was just out of the question. So we prayed to get out of the home, we wanted there to be something in the contract that would let us out so we could move to where we wanted to move. One week to the day we prayed that prayer, we got a phone call, the previous owner wanted her home back. We moved 12 days later! I’m blessed!

I look at my 13 year old and my 9 year old, they both have never been seriously ill , they have remained on honor roll . And not one day have I struggled to meet the needs and the desires that they have had . Even though life has felt like its dealt me an unfair hand and I am not at the place that I really want to be in life ,  I can stand back and look at all of my accomplishments, and all of my disappointments and I can still say, I’m blessed!

So that’s Christmas…

My mind has been wrapped up in yuletide(insert nice descriptive word of your choice)  wood since the beginning of December. I had no plans for an elaborate Christmas although I was excited to spend my first Christmas in our new home. My three smallest children prayed each night for Christmas to come to their house. They asked for everything possible on television , from squishy sand to hershey kisses, they were not choosy and because of their innocence of course I said yes to all of their requests . My two big boys made lists of things too. Their list included things  over $200 dollars and even included a brand new Infinity car with the option of bluetooth and that cool cord to export music from your ipod to your stereo.  I had to remind myself that my son was just 14 and that cord…well I don’t even have that in my 2008 Land Rover…(it must be time for  a new car…I’m eyeing a land Cruiser).

In the hustle and bustle of everything…my three year old kept me grounded in a weird sort of way. My ten year old son taught the three little children about what Christmas is about. I had to pat myself on the back because only through this will you know how well of a parent you have been…that and the thousands of dollars that I have spent in Christian private school. In our countdown to Christmas every night before bed and after we read our nightly devotion and just before our prayers she reminded me each and every night about what Jesus meant to her. And although most nights she thank Jesus for creating MIckey Mouse and Oreo Cookies …she always said thank you for giving your life just for us to have life. Okay so I know she doesnt’t understand exactly what she is saying but I do and it means so much to me that she is able to remind me.

The holidays has taught me a few things and one thing believe it or not is patience . Patience has always been a virtue that I have desired but have never acquired. I didn’t leave my house to go shopping in the stores but I did most of my shopping online and that was a test of my faith and will power to fight against prices that were not in the store and believe it or not the online stores sold out before the real stores…shocking ? Well…I spent hours and hours shopping online , I missed hours of cleaning and cooking just trying to make it to the right place at the right time. And every night for about two weeks ended in failure because I never made it in time.  My frustration got the best of me and I ended up crying. I know you are saying why would you cry to shop…well I have 5 kids and it was important to me that they have what they desired for Christmas. My mother said one word to me and it made all the difference. I bet you want to know the word…RELAX!

I did just that …I relaxed stayed off the computer for a few days …talked to some friends spent time with God and slept well and one day just three days later I got up and went to my mac and made the order and I spend less that what I had planned to spend. The excitement was the moment I got the conformation  text that I had all of my items ready for pick up the same day! God is awesome…I have a few other desires that I know God will fulfill I am just sitting back and RELAXING and Watching God work in my behalf.

Happy Holidays everyone the best is yet to come.

Just want to speak life

Sometimes you have to speak life into your life, you have to encourage yourself daily. Things may not be the greatest, and sometimes things are great but there is a such thing as living your life in the overflow. In the overflow, you are are overflowed with more love, more wealth, more health, more happiness. Can you imagine life living in a place where all things that you desire are overflowed?! I can!!! Let’s speak life, today I’m speaking overflowed blessings.

Things I never thought about till marriage…

As a young girl you have dreams of marriage , walking down the aisle arm in arm with your father, a fabulous white dress and a beautiful bouquet of flowers. The church was to be filled with adoring wedding guests, and the wedding party filled with friends from the past to the present. You are excited about changing your name or adding a hyphen behind your current last name. You practice saying it and you may even include your new initials as apart of the center pieces in your receptions. You come home to a beautiful new home and the new drop top Jaguar your husband gave you as an anniversary gift, your home is fully decorated and ready to host this years Thanksgiving dinner. You and your husband are inseparable, and you cannot wait til the moment he gets off work because you have waited patiently all day just to see his smiling face. And his face is absolutely handsome and he smells great every evening he comes home from work, even though he works as a salesman in the hot sun all day. He’s always clean shaved, his hair has a natural line, his underwear never gets dirty, he never leaves the toilet seat up , he remembers to fill your car up every week, God forbid you ever have to be in a place where the car is on empty and its too cold to get out and pump your own gas. He remembers that your favorite drink and if so happen dinner is not cooked , he knows exactly what kind of salad that you desire from Jason’s Deli on the way in from work.

Yup, that was the life that all “little girls” thought they were going to encounter once marriage was an option. But it never happens like that, instead you marry the same man you dated for a few years but never lived with, on a beach in front of an ocean with no guests and no wedding party and a lady that you hope is a license minister . He’s not perfect but he’s nice. He leaves the toilet seat up, you wonder when did he buy all of this underwear and why did  he wear so many in one week?! You didn’t get a new car for a wedding gift instead you kept your own eventually thought maybe it will be a good idea to pay it off before I buy a new Range Rover. You muck up and get pregnant on your wedding night, the house is not finished after the wedding , you have to wait 3 months to move in , you spend the next few week ends in furniture stores, testing out beds, couches, and deciding on the best dinning tables. You forget to cook because, he suddenly doesn’t like the same kind of food that he said he liked when you married him… and he cannot ever remember if you eat a Ceasar Salad or Garden Salad and forget week end dates, he’s playing video games with the guys from the job on the brand new television you guys over spent together. You decide the queen size bed that you had will be fine til after the house is done and you spend the next 3 months thinking we should have splurged on the bed . And lastly you decide to keep your last name, because marriage is such an emotional roller coaster you need to know you are still the same person.

To Be Continued…