When Rage Builds

The older I get the more I am glad that I was born the ONLY girl in my family. Don’t get me wrong some times in my life I have wondered how life would be if I only had a sister and then I had two girls.  And I had to buy two of everything, and if it isn’t the exact same dress and around the same shoes , they are not happy . The funny thing about it is my eldest daughter hates to dress like her younger sister , who’s just 12 months younger than she . Needless to say after a day of screams and pinches , and moans and groans, I feel blessed to have been born the ONLY daughter.

My brother’s and I got into it when we were younger. There were some days that we just wanted to be alone . I didn’t want them in my room, times where we didn’t wanna look at each other , But the thing about it , all you had to say was something silly and the fight was all over.  And we really have never had problems with each other , other than the usual fights and disagreements that you have when you are siblings. The wonderful thing about it is that we never held grudges against each other. Well known that I know of and if I find out anything at this point I will stand corrected as well as not keep it going . I do believe that we have the kind of relationships that love goes further than our hate.

I said all of that to say that all of these REAL HOUSEWIVES Shows have created a false reality for regular people. We have thought too much and have created scenarios around events that aren’t a current reality for our life. We have made up stories in our heads to be mad for and many times these stories don’t even exist. We have painted a portrait of people that isn’t exactly their reality . It’s the worst feeling to be mad at someone that isn’t even thinking about you . We become angry because someone didn’t recognized you  in a car driving down the street. We are angry because someone is thinner than you, taller than you , has a better head of hair than you . And then in our minds we let the estrogen that God has put on the inside of us and abuse the rights to hold it in our bodies.Yes we are abusers of estrogen when we allow our emotions to control us.  To saturate our thoughts and consume our worlds.

I can remember a time before social media and before they were fighting on reality shows, that people just talked about you behind your back . And if they were true about the way they feel about you , they didn’t speak to you when they saw you . And if you were okay with your life and where you were going with your life , you didn’t care, life would move on . And then one day out of the blue they would start talking to you again . BUT NOW we hold things in and we wait to the most inappropriate time to have needless outbursts about things that we have held in for weeks, months and years. WHY? Well we have let rage build up in our hearts and put it on our minds . And if we are not successful at expelling waste , we end up exploding at the wrong times. We have allowed the Real Housewives, Love and Hip and other unhealthy reality shows be our compass for solving problems.

I have to tell you , I have faced some of these moments . And have said things that you didn’t know was on the inside of you . The worst part of it is, once you say it you can never take it back . And once you’ve said everything you thought you wanted to say or needed to say you then have to deal with what was said . Chances are you have made something that could have been fixed a situation that’s possibly ruined forever .  And then there are people that will look at you differently because they suddenly see a part of you that they have never seen before . Now you are in a position that you have to apologize to them and the person you hurt. Well only if you are the bigger person . Chances are you don’t apologize to anyone and then you are stuck in a place where you don’t wanna be , not trusting , bitter and possibly sick  .

Ever watch those shows snapped. When one day the wholesome housewife snaps and kills their husband , the kids and the cat. And they run away thinking that they won’t be found , feeling scared and wondering why they didn’t just take a coffee break. Yet they are found and placed in prison for the rest of their lives only because they could not control their “rageful” emotions.

Let’s take some time and think before we speak . Life is bigger than fights and outbursts and being mad at people …Basically

 

Tesha

So What Does it Mean to be Christian

A major decision was made at my son’s Christian private school and it had me questioning what it really means to be Christian. I won’t go into what was done , maybe in a later post but not today . Anyway as a parent , I was quite concerned. See my kids are in this Christian school to allow the freedom of their Christian rights. They pray before and during school. They also study the bible and learn bible verses per week . They visit chapel once a week and play Christian songs during most pep rallies and assemblies. But is that enough to make them Christian?

So I looked up the definition of Christian . You know you can really be blessed by the reading of your dictionary.  It said to be Christian , you must have received the  Christian baptism or  be a believer of Jesus Christ and believe in his teachings.  Professing Christianity and believing in his teachings.

So in order to be called Christian I have to believe all the things that he taught and more importantly I have to believe that he actually existed. I have no problem with any of this but I’m finding it hard to understand how can people be called Christian and don’t believe all the teachings of Christ. How are you Christian and you don’t believe in the bible? How are you Christian and you don’t love ?  See as child growing up faithfully in Sunday School I did learn a few things about Christ and His teachings. One thing that stands out to me is that all of his lessons were simple . Simple enough that my 4, 5, and 6 year old can understand. Yet though they are simple teachings we have made them impossible to follow.

Compassion- Jesus taught on compassion . He said we should have love for those who were poor, despised and the outcast Matt. 4:24-25;9:9-13). Jesus taught about being sincere. He also taught on becoming child like in order to enter into Heaven . So with all of his teachings , are we sincerely Christians?

A scripture that has always stuck with me was as a man thinks so is he. So no matter how we say we are practicing the good deeds of Christ by giving to the poor , talking to the despised and the outcast and being sincere when we speak , all of that is in vain if we have bad thoughts . We are every thought, every curse word, every evil feeling merely by our thoughts . You know you can commit adultery even if you think it , its not just the physical act, it’s thinking it that makes you sin.  So even though we never opened our mouth , we are just as guilty , just as sinful for thinking something that we did not say . Makes you understand why  David wrote, Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

The bible gives us specific ways to live our life. It teaches how to eat . How to treat our spouses.  How to get along with our neighbors. It gives us directions on how to love and live daily  . The bible even gives us stories and examples of things that we may face in our life if we live a life full of hate, envy, strife , maliciousness , jealousy and people who try to divide and separate relationships.  And though there are a lot of man made rules that we do out of tradition , living a Christian life is more a matter of the heart        ( mind) rather than just going to church weekly and believe that Christ existed.

Being Christian is a daily practice, we are all equipped for Basically…

Tesha

 

What’s Going On in Our World

For weeks I’ve been teaching a lesson on empowerment to my youth group. I talked about how successful people make money. I’ve encouraged them to go home and study successful people. And every week we walk away having talked about professional athletes, youtube stars and reality television personalities. I myself had to back track and try to find anything relevant in their age range. And yes I found a lot of people in their 20’s who have actually become successful doing things that some of us may have not even thought about . If youtube was around when I was younger and was making up songs about food daily…I’d probably not be blogging right now . Well maybe not , I digress.

The problem is …I have a room full of young black men . And all of the wealthy individuals I found were young white individuals. So what’s the problem? How can I tell them to think bigger , and want more when they don’t see themselves. How do I share with them that life is bigger , when all they see of themselves is getting murder. They are praised for their ability to play sports and discouraged because of the color of their skin .

The bright side of this is that , they still have some athletes to look at , and there are still people making moves in law, becoming doctors and fortunately the previous 8 years there was a black man in power to show us that we too can achieve.

I have reached out to other youth Pastor’s and asked them what they do to empower their youth . It’s funny the pastor’s I’ve reached out to don’t have that problem. They have youth who only need God . I wish our only problem was seeking a closer relationship with God. It’s funny that with all the scriptures I give them , all the faith confession we make our reality is that we have to face major obstacles before we can be successful as a black male.

Look at our statistics:

54 % of black males graduate from high school

Nationally African American male students are 2x more likely to get suspended from school.

48 % of black males attend college and out of that 48 % only 17% actually graduate with a degree.

The median earning potential for a black male is only about $37, 000 .00 and anyone that lives in a city like mine , that’s nearly poverty.

Fortunately there is a lie that says that there are more black men incarcerated than are in college. Only 6% of working class black men are incarcerated.

Back in the 1950’s and before our people, my people fought for equal rights in education. We wanted better jobs, we wanted to live in better homes in better neighborhoods . The college I attended has a statue up of a guy who was a trailblazer being the first black to attend the school . And you would think that after all these years we would have made bigger strides in success.

I’ll continue to teach a lesson on how to dream bigger. I will still have colleges visiting our kids. I will still have people visiting , I still we search for successful people that my kids can relate to . I will still speak prosperity and blessings over their life…Basically

Tesha

I’m Just Not Her…I’m Basically Tesha

The strangest thing happened to me last night . I had put my kids Capri Sun’s in the trunk of my car. And the trunk of my car hit me on the head. I instantly remembered the fall I had taken when I was only in the 3rd grade . At that time, my head actually split opened and I needed stitches . Well since I’m a few years older I thought maybe this knock on my head has changed my personality . I sat up (literally) thinking of how differently my life would be if I thought differently than I do now.  I started to think , what kind of personality do I really have.  I wondered did my friends really like me or have we been friends so long that they tolerate me. You see from the position I live in I’ve always been judged for my personality . And in a lot of cases its things that are far , far from my personality. And I tend to shelter my true self from people because I like to preserve my true self for real people.

Needless to say that bump didn’t change my personality .  I did have a major headache and it’s still kinda achy but yeah I’m still just me.  And I guess nothing , not even circumstances can change who I am . So I began to think of who I am, basically . Well that took me down a totally different path.  I had to actually take ownership of all of my flaws , quirks, phobias, and those times that I take my sense of humor too far. I wondered if I would have married myself.  Could I be best friends with myself. How good of a daughter I am and would my children be proud of me in years to come.

I think we would often have conversations with ourselves about who we are and what we are placed here on Earth to do. And we are always uncomfortable when we don’t walk into your divine purpose in life. The best part of life is when you’re finally doing something that is easy for you and makes you absolutely happy. And no matter how many times someone’s idea of who you should be and what you should be doing ( unless they are a life coach or something of the sort) you will never be happy until you’re doing something that is making you feel fulfilled. No one dreams can be your dreams. And just because some other’s person’s life looks amazing doesn’t mean that things will work the same for you .

The best part of life is that every morning you wake up you are uniquely you . And although you may chose to talk ,walk , dress and pretend to be another person , it will never last because the moment you’re in an uncomfortable situation your real personality will be sure to pop out . This bump on my head didn’t make me more affectionate, more caring , more loving , happier , or sad . I was born like this and guess what I’m just not her! I am me and I am learning to enjoy the process of just being me.

Ask yourself…who am I?

 

I am Basically ,

 

Tesha

Same Thing … Different Day

Have you ever wanted a piece of success so badly and just feel like you are so close but yet so far away from achieving your dream?  Have you ever wanted something to happen in your life , that it consumed your every conversation . You can be talking about the weather and what is supposed to happen on the week end but you cannot enjoy the moment because your mind is constantly reflecting on what you don’t have currently? Its like being pregnant ,  during the end of your 7th month going into your 8th month of pregnancy , you are so busy trying to make preparation for a baby to come that you become restless ( although you are really uncomfortable ) and you try to do any and everything to make things happen faster.  Not enjoying those moments when the child is inside your body .

I remember my single days . And I say single with a smile on my face , not that I want to be single now but being single was so much fun . After I had Pier I felt like I wouldn’t ever get married. I had actually prepared myself to be single for the rest of my life . And maybe date here and there . One day my brother told me he wanted me to meet someone . I guess he thought I was lonely . I had a family already , what else was I missing ?  Don’t get me wrong prior to this I dated , I had a guy ask me to marry him, I had my fair share of relationships but I was at the point that I just wanted to do what I saw people do on television. Take girl trips, go out to eat , have fun!!!

So I met a group of young ladies that were single just like me . And we started hanging out . I started organizing afternoon get together’s . We would go out to eat every other Sunday , we shopped together, called each other , celebrated holidays together etc. But my idea of having fun and their idea of having fun were two totally different things. Where I generally wanted to have fun and laugh and talk we spent a lot of our moments talking about what we wanted when we got married. And because I wasn’t in that stage of wanting to get married I always found it easier to leave or make up things on the spot.  But at some points this was our only conversations. And it was generally only about a man . Pretty soon getting together was more about the places we should go and what we should wear when we get there and less about us just having fun. I thought being single was supposed to be fun . Who would think it was filled with so much time trying to be the best to get a man.

The worse part of all of this is when you were so worried about meeting a man and falling in love that when you finally meet him you were too busy planning your wedding on the first date that you never got the chance to meet him. Which is another problem because no man wants to talk about marriage on his first date or even on the second date. I mean I never wanted to talk about it after months of dating .

One day  I was over the group. Why? Well one of the guys from church , who liked me came over during one of our times of visiting and the thirst was real. He had just come from working out  and he had on a tank top and some shorts. I thought he looked sweaty and they saw something totally different . Unfortunately I didn’t understand the thirst for him . And it made me uncomfortable , after all he was crushing on me . And that meant that no man was off limits and that made me uncomfortable. I got tired of talking about something that I didn’t want . But the idea of marriage stayed in my mind . Not like you think. I actually wanted to stay away from the idea more than I wanted to have it . I didn’t want it to consume my life like it did theirs. I didn’t want my ever waking thought to be on marriage.

Eventually one by one we got married , not all of us but the majority of us. I’m not sure if their minds or conversation ever changed about marriage but my mind eventually changed. The moment I felt worthy to get married was the moment I met my husband . And even after I met him , marriage was still not a priority but that’s a different story . I said all of that to say sometimes you have to release the pressure of thinking about something so much and just relax and allow it to happen.  There are somethings that you have to make happen , like graduating from school, getting a law degree, getting that job you’ve always wanted and then there are things that you allow to happen at its proper time .

James 1:4-8King James Version (KJV)

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing

Let patience have her perfect work in your life. And those things that you are trying to make happen that are not happening so quickly .  Relax , let go , relate and release and watch them happen for you in the proper timing .

I’m relaxing and waiting  ….well Basically

Tesha

Basically Me

Growing up as a little girl was one of the best experiences of my life. It was full of colorful instructions and wonderful people were very instrumental in my life.  One of my most memorable life lesson , was quite early in life. I was a chubby 4 or 5 year old and I just had to have a skirt.  My father had already realized that my chunky body wasn’t quite proportioned for such a skirt . My mother on the other hand was a woman and she knew how it felt to want something that was popular. Who knew a 4 year old could have a fashion sense. Well it was obvious that although I may have moved in the right direction of fashion I however wasn’t aware of what really worked for me .

A few weeks later my mother bought me the skirt and just like my dad thought…it was hideous on me . I had no waist and that skirt was propped right on my stomach . To make matters worse my butt made the skirt kick out in the back . I was so excited to wear the skirt but I was most uncomfortable . It didn’t take long for the first (grown up) to laugh at me while wearing this coveted skirt.  I probably ignored the laughter but I heard it . Needless to say 4 year old’s ear is alert but they have thick skin (LOL ) . I really cannot believe that I ‘m actually remembering this story . But its important because a few days later my mother had a talk with me about just being me .  She told me things like God made you differently than he made some of your friends. She pointed out things that looked cute on me. She said things like you look great in light colors.  I think this dress would look great on you . Do you want another one like this ? And although I don’t think the comments of the others affected me , she , My Mother gave me the best tip for the day…, ” Tesha there is no one else like you, you are different . ”

Although I was too young to understand the significance of that conversation it was a theme for my life. I learned that no matter what everyone else was doing in life it wasn’t necessary that I follow their lead.  Now don’t get me wrong , practice made perfect.  But at the end of the day I realized more and more that I was basically me! The best part about this was that no situation and no one’s expectation of me could change the person I was designed to become in life. And I don’t know about you but that’s pretty cool.

We live in a world that its so easy to covet other’s personalities , the way the walk and talk like another person. We pattern our lives so many times after different people that we fail to realize that deep inside ourselves we have desires. And of course there are times that we can look on individuals and pattern our lives after them and that’s fine . Its only a problem when we start to believe that their life is our life. When we cannot acknowledge who we really are and what we really desire for our life , then we have a problem.

I find myself raising my girls and guys the same way . And there are times that they’re little tiny imaginative minds don’t understand the significant of this , at the end of they when you see them behaving in the pattern that you gave them it warms your heart.  It’s an amazing thing to be Basically ME

well Basically,

Tesha

https://www.bonfire.com/basically-me/

Did I Tell You…I hate Field Trips.

And so a new year begins and a new opportunity for children to get to explore their life in the world of Field Trips. I gotta tell you this was the best part of my life in Elementary school but as an elementary parent I pray that every single trip my daughter’s say, “Mommy , I don’t wanna go .”  Like that’s going to happen . Nonetheless all at the same time I cannot imagine sending them on a trip alone. When my boys were younger someone was always present but at that time in life I was young. I didn’t require 16 hours of sleep and coffee kept me alert. Now …yeah not so much .

So I know you’re saying , oh she just wants to complain. Nobody cannot just hate as many things as she does and I promise you I don’t hate a lot of things ( just early mornings ) but here is why I don’t like field trips.

  1. Because my kids are enough for me. I’m a youth pastor , I love kids . I promise I do. But I have to take them in doses and 65 screaming kids in the morning is not exactly the dosage I need.
  2. You have to be inclusive. My pet peeve is when Mom’s go on field trips and only deal with their kid. Especially when there are at least 15 children who have mom’s that work and cannot make the trip. Its important to those children that their experience is just as wonderful as your kids. It bothers me also when I notice teachers who aren’t as affectionate with some of the children . Then for the rest of the school year you wonder how the teacher deals with your child when you’re not around. #pressure
  3. You have to talk to the parents. You know I have a few friends. And a mom . We talk about everything . So not making small talk with strangers is perfectly fine with me  .
  4. Did I mention I hate small talk… yeah stop asking me where my husband is because of the way you asked I already know , you  know he’s gone. He’s coming back , soon.
  5. Sometimes you can feel like you’re back in high school with some of these mother’s . Some mom’s just have that perfect personality and blend well with others and then there’s me. I find sarcasm in everything and sometimes I just stare when you look at me . And shaking hands with me seems weird. Idk why but I hate shaking hands.
  6. I am not a morning person . And yes it appears that I am on some sort of drug when I’m being approached too early. I cannot concentrate on your smile and words at the same time . The best part of this is …I’m good after lunch.
  7. You have to do some work. Like open things, carry stuff , walk , stand, tie shoes, wipe stuff, spray things. I know why I never became a teacher.
  8. I am a tee shirt , jeans and boots type girl. At my last field trip I ruined a great pair of booties walking thru a fruit patch.
  9. Have you ever rode on a bus with 75 screaming kids that have a love for their nose.  Yea ..I hate it .
  10. Did I mention I don’t like mornings.

All in all I love having the opportunity to spend with my babies. I love watching them interact with other children and I love meeting new families and listening to genuine stories from parents. It always allows a different perspective for your life.  And when you meet those families who’s life seems so different from you  , yet you have shared the same experiences. You walk away proud and thankful that your child has the opportunity to rub shoulders with people just like them .

Although I struggle with waking up and staying up during the day I walk away from  all my experiences with a new attitude. Pleased to have these moments with my babies.  Well…sometimes Basicially

Tesha

I’ve been Nominated For the Liebster Award

Light Dotted

 

I have been nominated for the Liebster award. I’m so excited about this new direction into blogging and I owe it all to Ashley http://www.millennialistmom.com ( Thanks so Much ) . She’s a great writer and we share a lot of things in common and we both have husband’s in the military . How about that …we can relate in a lot of different areas of life . I’m super excited to have met her and to be able to subscribe and read her blogs.

She has also been nominated for this award , which makes this one more thing to add to her list of wonderful things happening in her life. I love when you read things about Mom’s that have experienced the same things you have .

One of my favorite new bloggers , and she may only be new to me is /militarymamasfarmhouse.com. She combines three of the most important things in my life into one blog. It’s pretty cool and I’ve enjoyed reading her journey’s into motherhood.

10 Random facts about me

  1. I love chocolate. I have one piece of chocolate daily

2. I ‘ve always wanted to be an OBGYN

3.  I watch television but I’m obsessed with documentaries…especially the one’s that triumphs against the odds.

4. I love to shop and wish I had more time to shop for just me.

5. I drink my caloric intake daily. Sometimes I loathe food , unless its chocolate.

6. My parents are pastors.

7. I was the only girl in my family till I was 32.

8. If I could sleep past 9 AM I would be the best person ever.

9. I have watched the Color Purple 13,567 times and it never gets old.

10. And no matter how many times I tell People my name no one ever says it correctly.

  1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Nashville because I like the south and the diversity that city has to offer.
  2. What is your favorite snack? Chocolate
  3. Who in the world, dead or alive, would you like to have dinner with tonight? Donald Trump I’d like to know what he’s really thinking . 
  4. What are you most grateful for? Life
  5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Full time Blogger and Author
  6. Why did you decide to blog? Life changed my direction and I had a lot to say.
  7. How did you find what inspires you? I live my inspiration
  8. Where can someone find you on any given Saturday night? Home watching television
  9. What is the best advice you’ve ever received? Try again
  10. What is your favorite movie, and why? The Color Purple …it reminds me of childhood . Not the movie itself but the time it was put out. It makes me remember when I was a kid. 

 

My nominees are :

Jaime Esther  Jamieesthernouw.com

Mika Reyes  poshtofu.wordpress.com

Alphonso White Alphonsowhite:wordpress.com

LivingRichardson.com

Alluring Queen https://alluringqueen.wordpress.com/

Follow the rules here https://theglobalaussie.com/blog/liebster-award-2017/

Good Luck to you all!

Q/A – I’m excited to hear your answers

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

What is your favorite meal?

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?

What is your favorite blog post? Why? (Include a link)

What makes you laugh?

What is your weirdest quirk?

What made you start blogging? Where do you see yourself a year from now?

What would be your biggest piece of advice to fellow bloggers?

What is your favorite song to dance to?

What is the best vacation you have ever been on?