Sexual Misconduct

 

For the last two years or so we have read or watched the news about highly influential individuals who are in our minds guilty of Sexual Misconduct . After all you won’t file suit against anyone who is innocent. And because its something that no one should endure ever you wonder , what kept them in silence so long. And then what exactly is Sexual Misconduct? And how can we stop this , especially in the work place .  Why are we afraid to speak out ?

Just because its a new story that is gaining a lot of attention I decided to sit down with my teens from my youth group ,just to discuss some things about what a male can and cannot do to a lady. We went down a list of things that were generally things that we ( those born in the south ) typically did but now we have to be aware of it because after all it could be sexually enticing or sexual misconduct. Finally after thinking about the repercussions of even the slightest thing that a male could do to lead to some awful allegation, I just finally said …” guys just don’t acknowledge women and girls never go anywhere alone with a guy , period .”  I looked into their eyes and I thought what kind of world will they live in when it is inappropriate to open a door for a lady?

Today I took some time to read the allegations that these men faced .  And inappropriate is not the word that I would probably use. I also read Jenny Lumet’s ( Lena Horne’s Granddaughter ) letter about Russell Simmons. I took the letter , which was so professional,read it slowly leaving out any detail that we may have missed. Even though it seemed like there were some things that I wondered about  .But needless to say she got her message out . And bc she’s a lady , I immediately had compassion for her. And I felt like Russell Simmons was a horrible man that took advantage of a 24 year old woman. And then I read the end, which she said she put her clothes back on and took a taxi home .

See the beginning of the story it talks about their chance meetings, and the time he sent her 100 balloons with a silly note that said Please , Please , Please. She blew him off , thinking nothing of it. After a chance meeting with some of her friends she ran into Russell again . This time he told her he would take her home and she agreed. When she stepped into his truck , she told the driver her address, Russell said no , she said it again , and again Russell said no . Now she never mentioned if the truck was moving at that point . Now considering the nature of things and having used a car service , a truck is not going to aimlessly pull out unless it knows where it’s going . At any point she could have opened the door and got out . I sat there for the longest wondering if her decision to not leave the truck hindered her from not telling what happened for 26 years. She only gained strength to tell her story after others shared their stories.

Now her story seemed like a lifetime movie compared to some of the indiscretions caused by Matt Lauer. And then women were drugged by Bill Cosby , grouped by Donald Trump ,  Billy Bush, Ben Afflect and Bill O’reily. Harry Weinstein greeted women with a robe on , and others sent disturbing emails, awkward stares and immature words. And though I understand that this is a problem, I need to know what is sexual misconduct? And how can we stop it ?

See educating our daughters goes before they are even in middle school . I have two girls and with the clothing that is available for them has caused me to shop more sensitively for items that won’t make them appealing . I had the talk with my mother well before I left for college and I find myself having that talk with my girls. This includes how to act around their brothers. Not that I think my sons are weird its just teaching them the appropriate way to handle themselves in front of men.

We need to know how to handle these situations before they become too much and before they result into a letter.  Never go anywhere that makes you uncomfortable . Learn the buddy system. Guys think a candy bar equals a relationship, use your words and say no I don’t like you, no I’m not interested. Drive your own car, keep your phone charged.  Never walk into a room a long. Make conscious choices. Don’t drink things you didn’t pour. Never leave your friends , and if you face a tough moment RUN . And just bc an outfit looks wonderful on you , learn your limitations on how you model your outfit. I know all of these won’t always stop the inevitable but Hey these things helped me . I’m just trying to help someone …Basically

Tesha

 

So I don’t cook…Why is it a Problem

I don’t cook. Actually cooking makes me anxious. I’m too worried about how its going to turn out so it’s not a pleasant experience to say the least . Needless to say I have a family and there are times that I have to prepare food for them . Thank God they have inherited my palate and will eat anything and it doesn’t have to taste like much yet they still will enjoy. It makes me feel pretty good when they say thank you for fixing us this food . And then I get company and they say things like …did you cook that ? Can you cook? You’re not supposed to do it like that …do it like this. I then want to hand the spoon or fork over to them and say …you handle it . I’m DONE…LOL!

I kinda enjoyed my freedom of not having to become what people wanted me to become and just fall into a roll of being a wife, who cleans and cook. Although I would prefer a clean house over some smothered steaks. I have other skills and I love the uniqueness of my life. Adding another skill is just not as important . Plus my mother loves to cook and she comes up with all sorts of recipes and she has so much patience that she is currently teaching my daughters how to cook some foods. And because of this my girls think they can out cook me…go figure. And they’re only 5 and 6.

Why didn’t she spend time with me teaching me how to cook.Two things I can attribute that to, 1 She worked a lot when I was younger , and dinner was always prepared for me once I was out of school and 2. I wasn’t interested , somehow I knew that one day I would marry a man that would love to cook . God answers prayers . For a few years in our marriage my husband was the general cook for my family . I just wasn’t interested.

Every year brings about a different change . And this year something came alive in me . And no it wasn’t because my DAD keeps saying , your daughter can cook better than you . Although that had a little to do with it . I thought about being someone who really takes care of their family and what they would provide for them . Would my children remember me for the salad I made them or that entire dinner I made for them . And though I loved everything my mother fixed for me , I do cherish those things that were personally made for us by love .

So with all of that said , no I’m not going to start cooking tonight or any time this week but I can assure my thoughts of cooking have changed and I will successfully learn how to become a better cook . In January I will began a journey of cooking . I plan to make public some of the wonderful recipes that my mother has stored up from her mother . I look forward to sharing all the wonderful updates of my basic food journal.

Swallowing my pride and learning how to cook, basically

Tesha

 

He’s Home

Image result for military tokens of the united states

It has been a long 7 months since my husband set off on a new adventure with the United States Air Force . And while I’ve been very supportive of his new adventure I didn’t really understand how different life would be once he returned home. I mean my in laws are both military and they didn’t even tell me the change that I would experience once he came home for serving.

Since he’s been gone we have had

1 kindergarten graduation

2 May Birthday’s

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

2 July Birthday’s

Two Vacations

1 week end getaway

The First Day of School

New Teacher orientations, Open houses

Memorial Day , 4th of July and Labor Day

My Birthday

Halloween

And the start of the Basketball Season

He’s missed a lot . And though we spent months writing letters, exchanging pictures , and texting it’s still not the same . There was excitement and fear when I saw him for the first time in the airport. Everyone was saying , I know you’re going to be happy when he comes home , he’s going to come and help you with those babies , I know you miss him. I know he misses his kids , I know you cannot wait till he gets home .  And though all of these words were true no one prepared me for the change. No one told me he was going to be so different and there was a period of adjustment that we both had to make. No one told me that the military would turn his free spirited attitude into something else. I didn’t know that the moment I dropped him off at the Airport would be last time I would know “that,” man.

The military has taught him a lot and there is a lot to appreciated from this experience. So far he has rearranged my bathroom 5 times . He has also rearranged my closet and I can’t seem to find anything . He doesn’t hold too many conversations . He talks , gives orders, tells us what’s on his mind and then he’s done. He’s extra busy too . Always looking for something to do . And then he does it , alone . He spends a lot of time alone . I think his happy place is being alone . And I’m okay with that , but the fact that he is so rigged less emotional is the part that stings just a little.

Image result for welcome home signs

The day he finally returned to my hometown  , we visited the school to have lunch with our daughter and her teacher asked me , “is it like dating a new guy?” She was saying exactly what I was thinking. I felt like I had just picked up a new guy. And unfortunately because of our lifestyle I guess I have to stay. I can’t just say… yea on to the next . This is a time of testing for us. We are getting to know each other all over again . And though it may not be a honeymoon this adjustment is an experience I won’t take lightly. And I’m thankful that he’s finally home…well

Basically

Tesha

Can I Pause For Church …

I’m a church girl . I cannot begin to tell you how much church has been a part of my life. And the thing about it is that most bloggers don’t like to comment on posts about the church. But listen I cannot help that I was born a Pastor’s Daughter, so all I know is church .Just today be with me as I just pause for church.

As some of you know I grew up in a full gospel holiness church . We were that church that believes in speaking in tongues, dancing in the spirit. We are the radical saints, we run around the church , yell and throw things at the pastors. We clap our hands , and play tambourines during service. And it’s not unusual to find some of the strangest instruments like washboards in our churches. We had feet washing services, we use oil to anoint our heads and falling out was or is the norm.  Needless to say church has evolved. And like I mentioned before we have become more civilized. We have educated ourselves in the word. And although our prayers are still similar to those of the time of slavery we sure don’t look like we used to look . Did I mention we act different too?

I have to be honest I don’t mind that we look all that different . I must confess that if my parents church still did not believe in pants, make up and getting your hair cut, I definitely wouldn’t be serving in ministry right now . Sounds superficial but that’s bondage NOT to look normal. Or look your NORMAL. But I have to ask the question that has our changes made the church more watered down ? Are we looking too normal ? Are we too worldly?

There was a time when people just appeared in churches. We would hang out on the streets and invite and in one Sunday it was normal to have those people heed the call of God. And then they would testify , I once was lost but now I’m found. Now we use gimmicks. We actually have to give things away to get people to attend an institution that is in place  to help them . No longer are we just having prayer meetings, bible studies, youth ministry. We are currently having coffee dates, festivals, party nights and other attention getting campaigns just to get people to walk in church . Things have changed and I blame the church for the majority of the changes. And no longer are we finding lost sheep but we see more sheep transitioning from one flock to the next.

Which brings me to fact that we are a commercialized industry. My parents church comes on local television and before the time that we first aired ,  I don’t think I ever had to think about our Brand as a church before . People can and will judge you on everything and because we live in such a judgemental society so the consistency of having a proper Branding for your church is crucial. But has this allowed us as a church become more commercial and less a place of refuge , compassion and peace.

With the television as well as the internet being our source we have watched our churches evolve from this

To this

And clearly there is nothing wrong with the evolution of the church . Because all things evolve and all things change. Well all things but God. But does that make it okay to experience church without changing your life? Does that mean that the church needs to continue on without lives being changed, people being saved healed and delivered. Does that mean church is all show and lacks the anointing.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22 Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us is God,

Where do we go from here? When will we go back to our foundation , where church was about church and less about a brand. I’m sure I will have a part two on this , in the meantime I’m off to Pier’s basketball game.

Is the church’s evolution a good thing?

Basically Tesha