Forgiveness

 

Can I be transparent for just a second. I know I say a lot about my life but sometimes those are just things you would find out about me on my social media accounts (http://facebook.com/basicallytesha) . I hardly ever share things with you that I would share with my best friends. But this is something that I cannot help but to open up and share with you …my new friends.  Something happened to me that was so emotional that it made me look at life in a completely different way. It completely changed my perspective on life. It required me to look at things on a different level.  To exercise view points that I never knew I had inside. I discovered a new Tesha, basically.

It was an ordinary Sunday morning. My husband was away working and training for the military. I decided to ride to church with eldest son , we went through Sunday School as planned and once it was all over something very simple caused a commotion . And before I knew it words were flying across the room , hitting walls , knocking over tables and smashing windows.  The one thing about words is that positive words build but negative words destroy and tear down.  That morning I left torn and disappointed . I climbed into my parents truck and drove myself home. I don’t remember taking my clothes off I don’t even remember what I was wearing and whether or not it was hot or cold . I don’t remember undressing my babies, I just remember being so angry . So angry that I couldn’t keep myself together. I just remember wondering how can I continue on and where do I go from here.

I made the decision that day to not look back.  I never discussed it in front of my children and I only talked about it once with my husband . I walked into church the next Wednesday night , and kept things moving . And that’s just what happened . Life kept moving . That’s what life does  , it moves whether or not we want to move with it  ,  it keeps moving  . In those moments I was giving knowledge from my parents who are also my Pastors on how to forgive and why it was important to forgive. I said within myself that as a Christian I can see myself forgiving easily but I cannot see myself forgetting  or even allowing myself to return back into the position that caused me to hurt . Who ever said you had to forget ? Shouldn’t forgiveness be enough? .One thing that I didn’t realize that in the process of walking through  true forgiveness , you have to let things go.  After all why would you forgive if you’re still holding bitterness in your heart.

There are a few lessons that you learn and a lot more that you earn . I earned that lesson . I made up in my mind that I would not be bitter, I won’t be messy, I want revisit it and I won’t relive it . Which is probably why I don’t remember the day as much. Several months passed.  I probably had a birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas happened.  We went through New Year’s Day,  Easter and Mother’s day and then the school year ended. Life did not stop, neither did I . As randomly as this event took place was as random as the event ended.  This past Sunday at approximately the same time , I heard two words that I thought I would never hear, ” I’m sorry.” I responded back with a big thanks but she didn’t know that I had forgiven her weeks or maybe even months before .  It was a relief that we both acknowledged forgiveness.

Life moves so fast and we can’t  spend too many hours focused on the wrong things. Never in my life have I ever been in the position of wondering why we don’t show more love rather than hate.  We spend so much time trying to tear someone’s character down that we are not realizing that we are destroying our own . Spend time seeing what is great about the next person instead of always trying to find out what is wrong with them .  And in closing … we should never wait on the moment to be asked for forgiveness ,  forgiveness should be a matter of the heart . And if there is love in your heart bitterness cannot and will not reside . Let things go, use your words to build not tear down .  I choose to live , laugh and  love…Basically !