Same Thing … Different Day

Your ads will be inserted here by

Easy Plugin for AdSense.

Please go to the plugin admin page to
Paste your ad code OR
Suppress this ad slot.

Have you ever wanted a piece of success so badly and just feel like you are so close but yet so far away from achieving your dream?  Have you ever wanted something to happen in your life , that it consumed your every conversation . You can be talking about the weather and what is supposed to happen on the week end but you cannot enjoy the moment because your mind is constantly reflecting on what you don’t have currently? Its like being pregnant ,  during the end of your 7th month going into your 8th month of pregnancy , you are so busy trying to make preparation for a baby to come that you become restless ( although you are really uncomfortable ) and you try to do any and everything to make things happen faster.  Not enjoying those moments when the child is inside your body .

I remember my single days . And I say single with a smile on my face , not that I want to be single now but being single was so much fun . After I had Pier I felt like I wouldn’t ever get married. I had actually prepared myself to be single for the rest of my life . And maybe date here and there . One day my brother told me he wanted me to meet someone . I guess he thought I was lonely . I had a family already , what else was I missing ?  Don’t get me wrong prior to this I dated , I had a guy ask me to marry him, I had my fair share of relationships but I was at the point that I just wanted to do what I saw people do on television. Take girl trips, go out to eat , have fun!!!

So I met a group of young ladies that were single just like me . And we started hanging out . I started organizing afternoon get together’s . We would go out to eat every other Sunday , we shopped together, called each other , celebrated holidays together etc. But my idea of having fun and their idea of having fun were two totally different things. Where I generally wanted to have fun and laugh and talk we spent a lot of our moments talking about what we wanted when we got married. And because I wasn’t in that stage of wanting to get married I always found it easier to leave or make up things on the spot.  But at some points this was our only conversations. And it was generally only about a man . Pretty soon getting together was more about the places we should go and what we should wear when we get there and less about us just having fun. I thought being single was supposed to be fun . Who would think it was filled with so much time trying to be the best to get a man.

The worse part of all of this is when you were so worried about meeting a man and falling in love that when you finally meet him you were too busy planning your wedding on the first date that you never got the chance to meet him. Which is another problem because no man wants to talk about marriage on his first date or even on the second date. I mean I never wanted to talk about it after months of dating .

One day  I was over the group. Why? Well one of the guys from church , who liked me came over during one of our times of visiting and the thirst was real. He had just come from working out  and he had on a tank top and some shorts. I thought he looked sweaty and they saw something totally different . Unfortunately I didn’t understand the thirst for him . And it made me uncomfortable , after all he was crushing on me . And that meant that no man was off limits and that made me uncomfortable. I got tired of talking about something that I didn’t want . But the idea of marriage stayed in my mind . Not like you think. I actually wanted to stay away from the idea more than I wanted to have it . I didn’t want it to consume my life like it did theirs. I didn’t want my ever waking thought to be on marriage.

Eventually one by one we got married , not all of us but the majority of us. I’m not sure if their minds or conversation ever changed about marriage but my mind eventually changed. The moment I felt worthy to get married was the moment I met my husband . And even after I met him , marriage was still not a priority but that’s a different story . I said all of that to say sometimes you have to release the pressure of thinking about something so much and just relax and allow it to happen.  There are somethings that you have to make happen , like graduating from school, getting a law degree, getting that job you’ve always wanted and then there are things that you allow to happen at its proper time .

James 1:4-8King James Version (KJV)

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing

Let patience have her perfect work in your life. And those things that you are trying to make happen that are not happening so quickly .  Relax , let go , relate and release and watch them happen for you in the proper timing .

I’m relaxing and waiting  ….well Basically

Tesha

Basically Me

Your ads will be inserted here by

Easy Plugin for AdSense.

Please go to the plugin admin page to
Paste your ad code OR
Suppress this ad slot.

Growing up as a little girl was one of the best experiences of my life. It was full of colorful instructions and wonderful people were very instrumental in my life.  One of my most memorable life lesson , was quite early in life. I was a chubby 4 or 5 year old and I just had to have a skirt.  My father had already realized that my chunky body wasn’t quite proportioned for such a skirt . My mother on the other hand was a woman and she knew how it felt to want something that was popular. Who knew a 4 year old could have a fashion sense. Well it was obvious that although I may have moved in the right direction of fashion I however wasn’t aware of what really worked for me .

A few weeks later my mother bought me the skirt and just like my dad thought…it was hideous on me . I had no waist and that skirt was propped right on my stomach . To make matters worse my butt made the skirt kick out in the back . I was so excited to wear the skirt but I was most uncomfortable . It didn’t take long for the first (grown up) to laugh at me while wearing this coveted skirt.  I probably ignored the laughter but I heard it . Needless to say 4 year old’s ear is alert but they have thick skin (LOL ) . I really cannot believe that I ‘m actually remembering this story . But its important because a few days later my mother had a talk with me about just being me .  She told me things like God made you differently than he made some of your friends. She pointed out things that looked cute on me. She said things like you look great in light colors.  I think this dress would look great on you . Do you want another one like this ? And although I don’t think the comments of the others affected me , she , My Mother gave me the best tip for the day…, ” Tesha there is no one else like you, you are different . ”

Although I was too young to understand the significance of that conversation it was a theme for my life. I learned that no matter what everyone else was doing in life it wasn’t necessary that I follow their lead.  Now don’t get me wrong , practice made perfect.  But at the end of the day I realized more and more that I was basically me! The best part about this was that no situation and no one’s expectation of me could change the person I was designed to become in life. And I don’t know about you but that’s pretty cool.

We live in a world that its so easy to covet other’s personalities , the way the walk and talk like another person. We pattern our lives so many times after different people that we fail to realize that deep inside ourselves we have desires. And of course there are times that we can look on individuals and pattern our lives after them and that’s fine . Its only a problem when we start to believe that their life is our life. When we cannot acknowledge who we really are and what we really desire for our life , then we have a problem.

I find myself raising my girls and guys the same way . And there are times that they’re little tiny imaginative minds don’t understand the significant of this , at the end of they when you see them behaving in the pattern that you gave them it warms your heart.  It’s an amazing thing to be Basically ME

well Basically,

Tesha

https://www.bonfire.com/basically-me/

Did I Tell You…I hate Field Trips.

Your ads will be inserted here by

Easy Plugin for AdSense.

Please go to the plugin admin page to
Paste your ad code OR
Suppress this ad slot.

And so a new year begins and a new opportunity for children to get to explore their life in the world of Field Trips. I gotta tell you this was the best part of my life in Elementary school but as an elementary parent I pray that every single trip my daughter’s say, “Mommy , I don’t wanna go .”  Like that’s going to happen . Nonetheless all at the same time I cannot imagine sending them on a trip alone. When my boys were younger someone was always present but at that time in life I was young. I didn’t require 16 hours of sleep and coffee kept me alert. Now …yeah not so much .

So I know you’re saying , oh she just wants to complain. Nobody cannot just hate as many things as she does and I promise you I don’t hate a lot of things ( just early mornings ) but here is why I don’t like field trips.

  1. Because my kids are enough for me. I’m a youth pastor , I love kids . I promise I do. But I have to take them in doses and 65 screaming kids in the morning is not exactly the dosage I need.
  2. You have to be inclusive. My pet peeve is when Mom’s go on field trips and only deal with their kid. Especially when there are at least 15 children who have mom’s that work and cannot make the trip. Its important to those children that their experience is just as wonderful as your kids. It bothers me also when I notice teachers who aren’t as affectionate with some of the children . Then for the rest of the school year you wonder how the teacher deals with your child when you’re not around. #pressure
  3. You have to talk to the parents. You know I have a few friends. And a mom . We talk about everything . So not making small talk with strangers is perfectly fine with me  .
  4. Did I mention I hate small talk… yeah stop asking me where my husband is because of the way you asked I already know , you  know he’s gone. He’s coming back , soon.
  5. Sometimes you can feel like you’re back in high school with some of these mother’s . Some mom’s just have that perfect personality and blend well with others and then there’s me. I find sarcasm in everything and sometimes I just stare when you look at me . And shaking hands with me seems weird. Idk why but I hate shaking hands.
  6. I am not a morning person . And yes it appears that I am on some sort of drug when I’m being approached too early. I cannot concentrate on your smile and words at the same time . The best part of this is …I’m good after lunch.
  7. You have to do some work. Like open things, carry stuff , walk , stand, tie shoes, wipe stuff, spray things. I know why I never became a teacher.
  8. I am a tee shirt , jeans and boots type girl. At my last field trip I ruined a great pair of booties walking thru a fruit patch.
  9. Have you ever rode on a bus with 75 screaming kids that have a love for their nose.  Yea ..I hate it .
  10. Did I mention I don’t like mornings.

All in all I love having the opportunity to spend with my babies. I love watching them interact with other children and I love meeting new families and listening to genuine stories from parents. It always allows a different perspective for your life.  And when you meet those families who’s life seems so different from you  , yet you have shared the same experiences. You walk away proud and thankful that your child has the opportunity to rub shoulders with people just like them .

Although I struggle with waking up and staying up during the day I walk away from  all my experiences with a new attitude. Pleased to have these moments with my babies.  Well…sometimes Basicially

Tesha

I’ve been Nominated For the Liebster Award

Light Dotted

 

I have been nominated for the Liebster award. I’m so excited about this new direction into blogging and I owe it all to Ashley http://www.millennialistmom.com ( Thanks so Much ) . She’s a great writer and we share a lot of things in common and we both have husband’s in the military . How about that …we can relate in a lot of different areas of life . I’m super excited to have met her and to be able to subscribe and read her blogs.

She has also been nominated for this award , which makes this one more thing to add to her list of wonderful things happening in her life. I love when you read things about Mom’s that have experienced the same things you have .

One of my favorite new bloggers , and she may only be new to me is /militarymamasfarmhouse.com. She combines three of the most important things in my life into one blog. It’s pretty cool and I’ve enjoyed reading her journey’s into motherhood.

10 Random facts about me

  1. I love chocolate. I have one piece of chocolate daily

2. I ‘ve always wanted to be an OBGYN

3.  I watch television but I’m obsessed with documentaries…especially the one’s that triumphs against the odds.

4. I love to shop and wish I had more time to shop for just me.

5. I drink my caloric intake daily. Sometimes I loathe food , unless its chocolate.

6. My parents are pastors.

7. I was the only girl in my family till I was 32.

8. If I could sleep past 9 AM I would be the best person ever.

9. I have watched the Color Purple 13,567 times and it never gets old.

10. And no matter how many times I tell People my name no one ever says it correctly.

  1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Nashville because I like the south and the diversity that city has to offer.
  2. What is your favorite snack? Chocolate
  3. Who in the world, dead or alive, would you like to have dinner with tonight? Donald Trump I’d like to know what he’s really thinking . 
  4. What are you most grateful for? Life
  5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Full time Blogger and Author
  6. Why did you decide to blog? Life changed my direction and I had a lot to say.
  7. How did you find what inspires you? I live my inspiration
  8. Where can someone find you on any given Saturday night? Home watching television
  9. What is the best advice you’ve ever received? Try again
  10. What is your favorite movie, and why? The Color Purple …it reminds me of childhood . Not the movie itself but the time it was put out. It makes me remember when I was a kid. 

 

My nominees are :

Jaime Esther  Jamieesthernouw.com

Mika Reyes  poshtofu.wordpress.com

Alphonso White Alphonsowhite:wordpress.com

LivingRichardson.com

Alluring Queen https://alluringqueen.wordpress.com/

Follow the rules here https://theglobalaussie.com/blog/liebster-award-2017/

Good Luck to you all!

Q/A – I’m excited to hear your answers

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

What is your favorite meal?

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?

What is your favorite blog post? Why? (Include a link)

What makes you laugh?

What is your weirdest quirk?

What made you start blogging? Where do you see yourself a year from now?

What would be your biggest piece of advice to fellow bloggers?

What is your favorite song to dance to?

What is the best vacation you have ever been on?

 

 

 

 

Casual vs Dressy

Recently I noticed a major shift in church as I knew it. It was a gradual process and for some time I never paid attention to it . And then one day my mother pointed it out to me. I don’t know if you have ever thought about it and maybe you have never done it …but there is a decline in people actually dressing up to come to church . And the funny thing about this , there is some historical repetition to this and we probably aren’t even aware of it.

In this day and time jeans and tee shirts have become the norm in church . I have wondered often , is our relaxed look making our faith more relaxed and lackluster?  Do we believe that God desires our best or is he comfortable with our, ” that will do ? ” I have personally noticed the lack of respect for the House God in recent years. And I’ve blamed a lot of things on this but I never thought that it could be our appearance that is causing us to disrespect the church .

So let’s get into the reason why we dress for church . We can go back as early as in the Corinthian church where you notice that the women had to cover their heads …there was probably some sort of set aside piece that was only adorn on the Sabbath day . Also further back than that we can talk about the robes the priest had to wear , it also mentioned colors that must have been worn to certain events .  In modern times you can notice that slave women wore hats to church .  They put ribbons or flowers on their hats, why? Well its was the only way that they could have a little individuality because during the work week they were made to wear uniforms . If they could have one day where they could be uniquely them it was on the church day .

John Wesley the man who’s the founder of the Methodist movement often condemned dressing up for church . He thought it had little to do with salvation and more to do with a wealthy lifestyle . And of course it did because it was costly to find fabrics that had colors , and people who could make your clothing for a small fee. It would be equivalent to us shopping at Saks for all of our clothing . And not the sales rack .

And often that put so much emphasis to the one’s who couldn’t afford to come to church with fancy clothes. I guess that’s where the phrase , ” come as you are , ” comes from . Maybe?! But that doesn’t mean that they put on just  anything to come to church.  After his desire to get the church to pay more attention to the inside a rebellion broke out and the wealthier people and the wanna be wealthy people said , NO Sir! We are going to wear our fine clothing , God has blessed us to buy them and so we are going to wear them.

The funny thing about John Wesley’s idea of clothing was… the more flasher the clothes were the more worldly they were . Which makes you think . I was born into a holiness church that neither believed in make up or women wearing pants,  I wonder if they knew that those hats and those loud color suites were equivalent to the same disrespect that they thought make up and pants had, would they still tell me I was going to hell for my red lipstick and shorts?

Wearing clothes goes way beyond just a Sunday Morning fashion show . To my surprise when people started making more money of course they dressed better and then they were participants in church . They started to purchase pews with their names inscribed in the sides. This was just almost  as great as purchasing your first home. Now I really knew it was a significance in the relax church of today from the  dressy church of my youth but I never thought of its significance in relations to how people give to the church .

Of course now clothes are so much cheaper now , factories were introduced and no longer did people pay a great deal for fine clothing. But those working class individuals still found enough strength to continue the tradition of dressing up in their Sunday Best.

So what happened? Why have we allowed our values diminish us to just tee shirts and chucks to Sunday worship? Why have we lost so much respect for the house of God? And with this less prideful attempts to Christianity we have stopped being participants. We no longer think we are worthy to pay tithes let alone purchase a pew. We walk in church and walk out with no responsiblity . We pay people to play music, to clean the church , to do the church books. We have renamed ourselves some business name and attach a 501c3 to it . Now we can’t  talk about God , we have to accept you in our church even if you believe differently than the church does. We have a constant fear of being sued. People hate us when we give to much and too less. Even when the funds are significantly reduced bc the new church doesn’t believe in giving .

Wow I never thought I would gather so much information off one simple example of the new church . Please share your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you .

 

Basically

Tesha

Defeat The Things That Defeat You

This week has been one of those weeks that I wanted to throw the entire week away . When you’re at the point that you are trying to achieve something and it seems like you are facing obstacle after obstacle and still nothing is happening, you tend to feel defeated  . It feels like you need to concede before its time or you’re already defeated even when the battle hasn’t even started.  And sometimes trying to handle the problem seems to make things worse instead of better .

Which brings me to the title of this blog, (my mother ministered this particular subject last night in mid-week service) sometimes you have have to defeat those things that try to defeat you. Life is not always easy , heck its even a tough to be born , how do you expect life to be any easier. I mean unless you were born a Trump. Needless to say life brings twists and turns and everyone doesn’t share the same struggle and my struggle in life may be simple in comparison to your struggle but isn’t it the same when you consider it a struggle?

As a daughter of a pastor , working in ministry has been one of my toughest processes. Every week I plan to quit …never to return . I spend a lot of days during my week praying and over thinking . And I mean I think about the smallest things and talk my way directly out of doing everything . At the end of the day conviction comes and I end up doing what I’m supposed to do in the beginning .  In my past I have allowed words to dictate what I chose to do with myself .  I am further behind in some areas because I have  allowed opinions determine my performance.

Have you ever allowed opinions determine how far you would go in life?And you spend your entire time focused on what they have said about you and meanwhile they are enjoying life and you have missed a great deal of life worried about others opinions.

Have you ever allowed money become your crutch ? And instead of spending time trying to make life better for yourself you spend more time mourning and complaining about the fact that money is an issue for you . I still have a problem with people who say that they want more in life but yet they never find a job or create a job for themselves , they are allowing defeat …defeat them .

Have you every allowed relationships affect your progress? Everyone’s relationship isn’t idea and unless you know how to compromise. When to say the right things. And how to say things, sometimes relationships ( no matter how much you love them ) can get in the way of anything . From losing weight , to finding a career your partner may not be the support you.  But that doesn’t mean to not continue to move forward in what you need to in order to reach the results that you desire.

Have you allowed your children defeat you ? Just this week I was having a moment because my husband is training in the Air Force and I am forced to be Mom and Dad for my children , I just had a moment of saying, how can I do what I need to do when I don’t have time for me . And in that moment I heard …” there is 24 hours in a day …” so why complain when there is a time that they sleep and time when they are in school.

Have you ever allowed the word NO defeat you ? Just because they have said no once doesn’t mean that they will say no twice. I can always remember as a child asking my parents for something. Some kids could get a better answer for certain things than others,  in my case I could get the better answer from Daddy and one the boys could get a better response from Mom. It would just all depend but I would always get a yes from Daddy . And in the event he did tell me NO I knew that No wasn’t going to be no in about 5 minutes. Just because there was a NO once …try and try again .

Have you allowed education defeat you ? I never knew that we would live in a day and time that a college education would be free, heck you can go to high school online free and get certified in a lot of fields free . All you need is time a made up mind and a willingness to change your situation. There is not a time to struggle over education when its free for the asking . And don’t ever say you cannot because you don’t have internet because school( public institutions) will allow you to work on their computers free.

I can remember wanting to be a pageant winner. It was just something I wanted to happen for myself. I worked hard, I participated in every pageant that was offered to me and I had a losing record not even placing in many areas. And then one day after losing another pageant a lady bought me a crown bc she knew I was going to lose (LOL ) and said well you’re our winner. I said thanks but I looked at that crown and said NO Ma’am I will not let this be the end of my story I’m going to defeat this losing streak ( you know if that’s something you can do ) and when the next pageant was offered to me I entered it , my confidence was high , I had prepared myself to win . This was one of the only pageants that none of my,”supporters,” attended but I was determined that whether or not I had people in the audience cheering for me or not I was going to win …that night I won and won every one I participated in after because I was determined to defeat the thing that defeated me .

What is it in life that you need to defeat . Mark it on your calendar today and say after this day it will no longer be an obstacle .

Life is for the living ….Basically

Tesha

And So We’re Here…

I just want to take  a moment and talk about weddings . One of my friends is getting married and I have to tell you I liked her better before she was getting married . I mean its no reflection on her or her peaceful personality ( she won’t read this ) and we are totally good as long as she doesn’t talk about this wedding. But the moment she mentions it , it’s like she turns into a totally different person. She’s mean, she’s asks for things that she would not normally ask for , and  she has many questions about things that she already has a made up mind about . I am wondering if this is about her special day or is it about a special day for others to admire?!

When my husband and I got married 20 years ago ( seems like it ) we put very little effort in our wedding day. Was it on purpose , no and if I could do it all over again I probably would still have a simple garden wedding again . And that’s fine especially because that day was just about us and we chose to invest in our life and not in our wedding . There is certainly different strokes for different folks but you have to wonder are we wasting time and money for a day that we are not even going to enjoy because we are so busy trying to make the day perfect.  We are really wasting money on one day and some of us don’t even have the relationships to back the weddings up , remember this is just one day .I have asked myself why do we invest in the wrong things anyway. I guess I’ll never find the answer.

So as this month approaches for my sweet friends day she has asked me to hire a make up artists to do my make up ($50) I have to purchase my dress ($209) my shoes ($90) get my hair fixed ( $120) now if you have not added that up already that’s $469 for one day . This is not even calculating all the money she is spending on one day. She has a dress, flowers, decorator, musicians, venues, and all the other things that she wants to happen on one day . I wanna say Girl we won’t be mad at you if your napkins don’t match and if you don’t have real china or if my chicken is served on plastic…just as long as you’re happy. And as long as the man you’re marrying is satisfied and I’m sure considering men he doesn’t care either .

I don’t know how you feel but as a mom and wife I can see a lot of things that I can do with $469 . I probably can buy groceries for a month ( well at least 2 weeks) , I can put gas in my car and travel to Nashville well maybe Memphis for a week end of fun .  I can buy me a nice Tory Burch bag. I could buy me a pair of Jordan’s and some Lucky Jeans. I could purchase some Coco Chanel at least two bottles. I could buy me a month load of drinks from Starbucks. I could pay for someone to do my laundry . I could pay for tuition in school for Portland .  I can pay my cable bill…pay for this site. I mean I can go on and on about the adult things that can happen with that $469.

Needless to say you make your day special and whether its big or small you will never look back on that day and think …did they have fun but rather you will think of how you felt about him or her when you finally said I do.

I’d say I do all over again in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt as long as we are happy that’s all that matters…well Basically

Tesha

The Role of The Black Woman

A friend and I had recently finished watching this season of the crown and because we are not series watchers and most of our time is spent doing other things its quite rare that we indulge in watching television series. Yet as school is currently in session it freed up a few hours to indulge in a little Netflix or Hulu action . Well we both are black women and wanted to watch a show that depicted strong black educated women . We both are college graduates, both mothers, both wives, both sisters, daughters, shouldn’t it be easy to find a show that is for and about us ?

Well we all agreed that both blackish and Marlon captured our attention . I even gave the Carmichael Show some credit although she hated it , yet we wanted more , less comedy more seriousness , strong story lines , something that reminded us of our life. And then I stumbled into Being Mary Jane. I binged watched the first season , I frequently watched episodes over and over again because I felt like I was missing something . I asked my husband to watch with me and he started using the word , whore and slut when describing Mary Jane and honestly it was exactly the words that I was thinking but just wasn’t ready to commit to such terminology when considering the one show on television that I could possibly relate to.  Then I started being embarrassed that I watched it , started questioning my decision to watch it, kinda like eating a whole box of donuts and then your stomach started getting tiny bubbles. It was that feeling . And then I started wondering did other people lead lives like this and never told anyone .  Like that one friend I had in college that always dressed sexy and went out but never had kids. Or the one friend who had already been married multiple times , is this real life and I’m just not a part of it?

I went over all the other shows on television who had a strong black lead, typical sex non-influential mad witch w a B . What is wrong with this picture . Why are we always depicted as mad and sexy ? I’m not always mad and sexy , I have my hair tied up in a scarf as we speak and I’m watching Finding Dory.  Does that sound sexy or mean ? Still I do not understand why I’m always shown in a negative light. Well not me per se but black women as a whole. From reality television to sitcoms there is little to no variation in the role of a black woman.

Remember when our roles were that of maids and mammy’s . Is this the new maid and mammy?

gabrielle-union-1.jpg

Can I only be noticed for my sexuality ? And what does these plot lines have to do with the job role they have ? Why show her as a journalist when the only real thing they are focusing on is who and when she has time to have endless none romances with a lot of different men . Would I want my daughters watching this and thinking that this may possibly be their life in a few years.

And then there is Scandal …I have never watched Scandal but I did read about it .  A show that is partially based off former President Bush’s press aide, Judy Smith , who happens to an executive producer of this show. Now Kerry Washington’s role of Olivia Pope has an adulterous affair with the President . Remind you of anything ?

Sally Hemmings Image result for sally hemings portrait

Haven’t we evolved as a people that we should demand better roles ? Has the money superseded  our ability to fight for better roles. Are we as equal as our counterparts? Think about the show the Good Wife. Why is it called the Good wife ? Well because she stayed with her cheating husband and emerged from being  a stay at home Mom to go back to work and did she succeed? Yes  !

I am wondering as a whole how do black women really feel about their roles as a whole are they comfortable , should we be comfortable?

 

Basically Confused

Tesha

Finding the Right One

I don’t count myself as a professional relationship expert but in recent years I have had my fair share of hits and misses when it comes to the opposite sex . And if it has taught me anything its taught me what to really look for when trying to find the right one for me.

I think that everyone has been in the situation where they have felt that there was no one in the world that could possibly be their direct match or even if there was actually someone out there for them  where  would you find them. Now I do not have a scientific method to find the right one but I believe that I can definitely give pointers in finding the right one.

A few years ago I stumbled upon my husband .  The funny thing about it was that of all the men that I had met in that one particular year he was actually the last person that I saw myself married to. It wasn’t that he was ugly or any other thing it was just that I didn’t think that we would possibly be compatible and above all I just didn’t think that I wanted to give him a chance.  We met one day before my birthday in 2007 , it was a chance meeting . I actually thought that he was someone who I knew from a previous time . Or maybe he was someone who I had met in passing but for some reason he had a familiar face , as if he was a part of my life for some time. And that’s exactly how our relationship started out. We talked to each other as if we were old friends and for some time we were , “just friends!”

I never thought I would ever say this in my life but its good to  just be friends. In that time that my husband and I were just friends I really got to know him as a person. And we found out most of the most embarrassing characteristics of our lives. I knew when he was out of a job and he knew the day I lost my boyfriend. It was just a time that we relaxed , we didnt concentrate on previous relationships, we didnt concentrate on future relationships and we never tried to impress each other . We spent time talking about life and life goals, politics and God . We were just two people that just happened to meet and we became two people that enjoyed each others conversation.

After a  year of just talking to one another , I noticed that this man had a little bit more for me than I once knew. I agreed to finally meet him in a general location for dinner. One dinner became a date and pretty soon we were actually seeing one another and it was at last our relationship became  official , we were a couple.  It was an easy transition because we had built a great foundation of friendship and if nothing else we knew how to express our feelings and thoughts because we always had good conversation.

I often laugh about our meeting and our relationship now and the most funny thing about it is, the moment I get so terribly mad at him and want to say all the things that you would like to say but know it’s not so good to say, I remember all of those late night conversations and how easy it is for us to just talk it out . His comforting words allow me to realize why I am here with him today.

I know you are saying , what does this have to do with me finding the one but I have clearly given you some major things to look for in finding the right one. Let’s recap : 1. Get out of your comfort zone and give the person you would least likely consider a chance. 2. Develop a friendship 3. Leave your past relationships in the past 4. Learn that communication is done by talking and 5. Have fun no relationship is worth always being nervous around a person.

Have fun withdating take your time and enjoy the dating moments !

Am I a Good Friend

From the time I was a little kid until I was a young adult I was taught the importance of what it means to be a friend. My mother would always instill in me the importance it was to show kindness to others, she would say you never know, one day you may need the person that you are mistreating .  And of course as a child I kind of listened but the understanding wasn’t really there. Also having grown up as a Pastor’s daughter I had to learn how to be friendly and sometimes in that case it was harder to just want to be nice.

I met my first best friend in church. We were close in age and she made me laugh. Not only did she bring me a lot of joy to me with her infectious laugh  , she being 2 months older than me , often gave me instructions on how to play games or just how to have fun.  She was the only person I remember spending the night at her house and one of the only person that I wanted to stay at my house . I met my second best friend in middle school. After meeting in a class we became inseparable.  I thought that we would end up going to college together and even living in an apartment together during college. But in  high school we went from being best friends to just being acquaintances. My last best friend that I have ever had , we met in high school in a biology class. She seemed like a breath of fresh air.  Even though I had two other very best friends she seemed like the one that I had the most in common with. There were times that we even dressed alike and didn’t even plan it . We would buy the same clothes, we had the same taste in music and we had uncommon passion for life and living life. It was nothing for us to wake up early and enjoy the sunrise as we headed to our favorite breakfast spot for chicken and biscuits. I felt like we were destined to be lifelong friends. And who would ever tear apart such a great friendship.

But just like the others before her, one day we just weren’t as close anymore. I remember that one day I just moved on . I didn’t break any bridges and never spoke ill of her we just weren’t close anymore. A few months after I left for college. I got caught up in myself and the things that I was doing that just for a moment I forgot what a great relationship we had  . Later on  I would often think about the emptiness that I would feel when there was not a person that share what was going on with my life. No one that I could pour details into and no one that could share with me or feel compassion for me or that I could feel compassion for or hear about the details of their life and laugh. Yeah I met other people and from time to time I felt close to some of those people but I always struggled with what it really meant to be a best friend.  And I questioned myself asking can I be a friend again?Have you ever thought of what it really means to be a best friend?

I think we often use the word best and friend together without really defining or living up to the definition of what a best friend is. I think that everyone is placed in your life for a reason and whether or not it’s for a lifetime or for just a moment those spaces of time where you call someone your friend should be the time that show the most kindness, loyalty and trust. Integrity is a key to being a great friend. Friendship comes without competition , or jealousy.

Friendship is a two-way street. If I help you out with your problems, listen to me and help me out as well. If I hold a secret  for you , hold a secret for me and show the same kindness that was shown toward you . Take the time to appreciate the people who you have in your life. Remember that you have to give and be able to receive.  Friends are few and far between so open up your heart and embrace a great friendship! Just so you know my best friend from high school and I still speak and talk at least 3 times a month , we may not be best friends but we remain good friends.