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There is no easy way to raise kids. There are no rule books that you must follow. Basically once you give birth to a baby you are on your own . It is up to you on what you want your kids to eat, how much you want them to eat. You are the person who introduces them to their first words, their first foods, how long they can play outside. Which toys they can play with and how much time they should be playing. Usually we teach them the words, thank you or if you’re southern you teach them to say yes ma’am and no ma’am, yes sir and no sir. And chances are once they are speaking we teach them that polite words are always please and thank you .
You know from the time I had my first son till the time I had my last son , times had really changed ( 13 years) . 18 years ago I wasn’t worried about BPA in bottles, or whether or not formula was good. I didn’t care about him being outside bare foot or the cartoons that he watched having an emotional affect on his life. I did care if he ate enough, got plenty of sunlight and was able to articulate his feelings , I also cared if he respected his elders. I think that my village was able to produce a well rounded young man . Fast forward to this time and life is so much different. Not only are we very over protective of our kids, we are raising a group of bullies.
I cannot even count on my hands the amount of times I have gone to playgrounds, youth sessions and saw so many children who were not only rude but they didn’t understand what it means to share. They couldn’t use words to articulate their feelings, they spent too much time crying and hitting instead of talking and trying to understand that life is about waiting your turn , and to allow someone to have a turn. Then we have these parents who sit back and think this is cute. They say things like, ” she loves to swing,” “she’s never had to share,” “I’m so sorry, they never act like this at home.” They laugh but its troubling.
Trust me these lessons mean the world to anyone who has to deal with children on a regular basis. I work as a youth pastor and trust me the worse students are those that feel entitled. I know that I mentioned it being no rule book for raising your kids but here is a list of things that I’ve learned with my children , it helped me and I am sure it’ll help you as well.
- There are more people in the world than them.
- Sharing is caring.
- You solve problems by talking and reasoning.
- Other problems are solved by being quiet and listening.
- It never hurts to say I’m sorry.
- Always be polite.
- Please and Thank you are magical words.
- Always add a prefix when speaking to an Adult Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms etc
- Always treat someone like you want to be treated.
- All comments shouldn’t be heard.
- Everyone has something special about them .
- It’s ok to lose.
- Work hard at everything you do .
- Naps are always the best way to solve a bad day.
- Speak to everyone every time you enter a room .
- If someone gives you anything no matter what it is …always say Thank you.
- Never exclude anyone bc they may seem different than you . You maybe different to them.
- Sometimes being quiet is ok.
- Parents always have the last say.
- Always keep your hands to yourself.
I am sure there are more that I left off but all of these lessons I have had to teach to all of my kids these 20 things at one time or another . Did they learn all of these lessons once ? No but practice makes perfect…well Basically!
You know what, I can’t stand an entitled child either. I tell my grandchildren that all the extras they are given have to be earned. All they are entitled to is what the state says their parents have to give them and that is food, decent clean clothes and a decent clean place to live. I raised five children and believe me times certainly have changed. I agree with your lessons, all children and parents can take away a lot from this.
Such a good read! Being a parent of 2 girls, I was nodding yes yes to all the points that you mentioned above. Times keep changing and some measures do change but basic virtues remain the same.
I couldn’t agree with you more Tesha. Some of the kids I meet now a days are just downright rude and obnoxious. I have to wonder how their parents put up with it and while it might not be a problem for them, when those kids enter the work force they’ll be treated as outcasts and that’s when the trouble really starts. Manners, respect and common decency never go out of fashion.
I find times have definitely changed between the time I was a kid and now (I’m now turning 24). Though a lot of it has to do with shifting parenting styles, our culture has shifted, as well. You’ve got some great key pointers that parents should be considering to counter this unfortunate shift!!
This is beautiful and I love all your points. I may not be a mother but I agree with what you’ve taught your kids and should I ever have kids – or even through my niece and nephew I want them to have good manners and good sense of morals. It sounds like you are doing/have done a wonderful job!
Very useful and important post. I don’t have my opinion and kids just yet so I’ll take you for granted
I honestly believe raising kids is the hardest thing anyone can ever do … and like you said there is no blue print to follow. It is trial and error most of the time.
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I don’t have kids, but I can imagine that it is a big difference from the time period you raised your kids. My cousin has 4 kids that range from 6 to 16. They’re all dealing with different things, but I think no matter how your kids are raised, some things should be common such as the points you mention.
Times have definitely changed because everything is so
Instant and now especially with social media that sometimes I think grasping these concepts might not be as simple and easy as it used to be because folks don’t take the time anymore bc everybody is on their phones.
This was a great post. Raising children is such a learning curve but one of the most fulfilling jobs there is. I liked the list of things you shared that you have learned yourself.
Not a parent myself, but agree with everything that you’ve said. The whole raising kids journey will teach you something new every minute of your life, and despite how hard it may get these moments are priceless.
This is such a great read and all the points you have mentioned sound great. All kids are different and I agree with you that there is no rule book and still I love being the guide and friend with my kids and incur these qualities and habits into them.
Please and sorry are definitely magical words. I think this is not giving enough credit. Thanks for sharing
I agree with you on every single point of the 20 you noted! I don’t agree with “millenial” standards of education. I’m a 38-year-old woman. I was raised in a different country, in the 80’s, with a different culture, and children had to respect, and also to assume responsibilities! I do so with my children (6 and 3) they are young but perfectly able to understand. It is a great challenge to raise your kids with these standards as an expat because the whole environment surrounding me sends the opposite message, as a parent I often feel alone, battling against things that are much bigger than me.
Also, the world is so very dangerous, nowadays in comparison with my own time. I used to play in the street with my friends, no adult at sight. But today I don’t allow my children to be alone. Last week a child disappear in our neighbourhood who was walking back home from school. They still don’t know what happened, and the parents are suffering without knowing if they’ll find their son dead or alive, or never. It’s terrible! I do overprotect my kids in the sense I don’t like to expose them to this kind of dangerous situation. YES walking to school has become dangerous! It’s a crazy world, a huge challenge for parents indeed!
Being a new parent, new mom. I totally agree with all your points here. Raising kids is not easy but that is the best job ever.
What a great article! I hate children who throw temper tantrums and are disrespectful and parents think it is cute. Sure! they are children but by not giving them a lesson on good behavior we are enabling them to be an entitled young adults who are bullies. And then later regret.