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So after my nightly walk. I walked into my house to take a bath and my husband walks into the bathroom with me . I needed some time as I was about to take a bath , and of course I shuffled him out because sometimes a girl needs her privacy. As he turned his back quickly he said something that just stuck with me…is this the fairy tale you had in mind when you thought of marriage? I couldn’t help but laugh because in all honesty I never had a fairy tale thought of marriage. I had a wonderful example of marriage with my parents so I never even gave much thought on how I wanted my marriage to be or what expectations I had for marriage. As a sat and thought about it I see this all the time …people have a fantasy of how they want their marriage to be and when it doesn’t work out the way that they want it to work out they are done with the marriage. Or with that particular marriage or relationship.
Where do we get these fantasies from ? Really its simple , all you have to do is watch one or two Disney Movies and your world is shook . You think that this gentleman will sweep you off your feet and you will live happily ever after. Or you will marry this person , who will always be dressed and always smells wonderful . You will always exchange pleasantries , like good morning love and have a nice day sweetheart. We don’t realize that he may stink , he won’t pick up after himself. He will make decisions that you don’t like and there will be plenty of days that you will not like him and he will feel exactly the same way about you . He won’t realize that the size 2 body he married will grow to a size 12 after babies. With that growth , underwear grows and hair scarfs are found. And guess what that’s okay. Its called the evolution of life .
Although those things happen its actually very normal and very okay . And then there are some rare moments where you are in the wrong marriage and maybe you need to reconsider marriage altogether or do some extra things just to make it work. Chances are when you get married you plan to be there for better or worse. And divorce is not an option , so just in case you missed all the red flags while you were dating and you didn’t realize you were unequally yoked, check out your states laws concerning annulment. But remember with that , you will add in other feelings and ,”what not,” that you had not already considered during a divorce. Allow divorce to be your last option. Needless to say those are sticky situations that I don’t want anything to do with. Here is the deal , romance is not a daily option when it comes to marriage. You have to figure out how to make things work with or without daily romance .
The first advice I would give to someone who is looking and longing for a relationship is don’t ignore the red flags. These are things that could make you step out of your normal character and act like another person. If there is something that you cannot deal with for a lifetime , go ahead and make a move before marriage and not after . People always say …well I didn’t pay attention to that while we were dating. You did , so many times we see things and we don’t see it . Dating is so much fun and sometimes you’re having so much fun that you don’t pay attention to the fact that they make noises with their mouth and its annoying. It happens to the best of us and it can be handled . Don’t ignore any sign , there is always counseling to help you cope .
Stop looking for happiness that you can provide for yourself. Its nothing like seeing two miserable people in a relationship with each other. Or one fulfilled person trying to be happy with someone who is unfulfilled and looking for their spouse to make them happy. It just doesn’t work that way. My husband can purchase me the Western portion of the United States but if I’m not happy with my own life , I’m going to hate the fact that he thought that much of me to make such an amazing purchase. So learn how to be happy on your own clock.
I love a RomCom ( romantic comedy) just like any other person . And as much as I would love to have a breakfast at Tiffany’s moment every time my birthday rolls around , it’s not going to happen every year. And though it may not happen every year it should happen every once in a while . I’m not by anyway giving someone an excuse to not be romantic and funny but its not a habitual thing. Make romantic moments weekly or daily. At this stage in life , its romantic when my husband puts gas in my truck without me asking him . It does something to me to get in my truck and see the gas hand on FULL. Find what makes your spouse happy and make them happy. In my case food makes my husband happy, I can go to Kroger and buy him a nice steak and he’s excited for weeks to come . That works for us. Find what works for you .
Sometimes we just need hobbies. Years ago I took up this hobby of writing . I never knew that I would be a full time blogger but that’s just what happens after you spend years jotting notes down in notebooks would turn into a passion , then a hobby and now a business. But its something that makes me happy and something I look forward to doing daily. With this passion for my life it has distracted me from thinking that I need all the extra things in life, well that and the fact that my parents were such a great influence growing up. Finding something that makes you happy , makes everyone happy . Set time in your weekly schedule to select something that you love to do and commit to it .
Lastly, don’t give up so easily . Especially if you are already married You won’t see everything working for you immediately but you have to learn how to keep quiet, trust , evolve, relate , communicate at the proper time and relax. After all a fairy tale isn’t written in one day …Basically !
BasicallyTesha
I am not married, even though we have been engaged for five years, but I have been in this relationship for nine years. That is basically married, right? Our relationship is not perfect, but it is ours. I learned to cherish the little things like the fact that he always comes straight to me no matter where I am in the house and kisses me when he gets home. I allow his random “man-stupidity” to pass instead of getting on my nerves, and it works for us. Plus, I am bat-shyt crazy, and this man loves me no matter what. What more could a girl ask for, right?
What a beautiful post. I really like that with time, you start knowing more about each other and what little things can make their mood and day better. Your way of writing is amazing!
Marriage is not quite what we see in the rom com’s but it is wonderful. I am grateful for all the days of messy houses and no one wanting to make dinner because there are also new adventures!
There is some great advice here. I don’t think I have any thoughts on a fairytale marriage either, for me I tend to just take each day as it comes.
This is such a beautifully written post about love. I do really enjoy reading this. and glad that you shared this.
It is so true about a marriage or long term relationship. All the good facts you have hilighted! Glad you also mentioned that hobbies is so important, with passion in our life, it will make feel happy.
Life is such a journey. I like to remind myself that the secret to being content is thankfulness. Kids change us, jobs change us, friends change us. We are blessed.
Great post! I have been married for almost 10 years now and currently separated for the past 2 years. Growing up I always wanted a love that poets talk about and a ‘happily ever after’. And I still do. That doesn’t mean that i am unaware of how imperfect we can be and how that relationship has to go through sickness & health and fights and challenges. But I still love the idea of that imperfect fairy tale and I am lucky that I got to live it once. And I hope I get my’ ever after’ again!