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I have successfully allowed all of my children go through school . And I can say that each year has brought a new adventure and each year I have had to pull speeches and write dissertations of how my child needs to conduct themselves in school . I can tell you I have two that are natural rule breakers. Case and point , my second son changed his name to Tommy Jango Brown-Johnson in Kindergarten . And because he was such a great speller he knew how to spell his new names without any help. I went to pick him up from school one day and one of his friends asked if I was Tommy’s mom . I said no and just kept it moving . A few days later all of his school work read Tommy Johnson . Even his teacher replaced his name on his desk as Tommy . Now this is kindergarten and its a big learning period for children so I couldn’t understand the logic of his teacher ;however I still didn’t understand Pier’s ( like Pier 1) reasoning behind his new name . After about 3 weeks I wrote a note to the teacher asking her to change his name back and don’t allow him to be Tommy in school. See Tommy was a Power Ranger and that’s who Pier wanted to be in school . I mean it was innocent and all but it really could’ve gotten weird.
As parents we deal with a lot with our children . And as parents its our responsibility to teach them to be great adults. As a youth pastor I’ve seen my fair share children (and before I continue none of this post has to do with any specific child I’ve had past or present . I am generalizing everything for educational purposes. ) and parents . And there are times that I walked away and thought man when this child grows up they will be an awful adult. We as adults tend to over do things with our kids to over compensate things that we didn’t get when we were children and all we are doing is creating monsters. And sometimes its socioeconomic but most of the time its just parents being over protective. And then we produce children who don’t know how to communicate and I’m not talking about being shy, I’m talking about just answering normal questions and being polite .
When I was growing up in the late 80’s and 90’s we had some problems but not half of the problems we are seeing today with fat shaming, bullying, cyber stalking , and other things. And though it happened and some of the best of us were bullied , we learned how to handle it . We pulled through and we survived . Now I’m worried about kids at school telling my child that they are some sort of anti depressant . We have allowed pharmaceutical companies to make millions off of us to control our children and in some rare cases ourselves and now we can’t regain control of our kids and then we can’t eat wheat and peanut butter. Who ever heard of a peanut free school? So now we can’t eat most foods and we cannot control our children. So what’s the problem? I can name a few problems but what we need is solutions.
When I had had my first two sons I relied on my parents for help in raising them . But for the most part I raised them like I was raised. Pier was a busy 6 month old and I was like this little boy is going to run my life if I don’t take control of him . I started intensively teaching him at 6 months, he could read at 2, started school at 3 and by 7 we all forgot that he was so full of energy . Now he’s a normal teen , he keeps a journal, writes down lists to do, he plays football and he ‘s on the high school basketball team . We didn’t need medicine we didn’t need stern punishments , just structure and order. See as a kid thats what my parents did for us . You go to school, come home do homework , your one chore , play outside and come in eat dinner at the table every night while you learn your one bible verse and dictionary word and take a bath and go to bed. Structure and Order can go far.
When I had my second set of children , they were all born within a year of each other .I didn’t have time to baby one before it was time for another to come . I realized that I had to teach them to help themselves early. They had to learn how to share ( which is still a work in progress) and the normal things like opening their chip bags, going to the potty fairly quickly, self soothing, taking off their clothes and putting them in its proper place and they needed to learn how to speak because by this time I was staying home all day and I could not do it with crying babies all day . This involved me showing them how to do it . I had three small kids who wanted to ride their bikes I didn’t have like 7 hours to spend on one child so I had to teach them altogether . I got on the bike and paddled while they watched me . Next I put them on the bike and paddled with my hands one at a time till they got it . It took 30 minutes , the same went to go without stabilizers. The key is helping them , showing them and teaching them . If you never show them or teach them they won’t learn. No one but you are responsible for teaching your kids how to be adults .
Customer service lacks because of our inability to relate or communicate. Have you noticed that so many people don’t know how to just be polite? Well that’s something that we are not teaching our children. On the playground recently my 5 year old told me that another 5 year old called him a nerd. I was thinking what does a 5 year old know about being a nerd. We generally don’t use that word in our house . I asked him how he handled the problem , he said he told the teacher which was fine and then I thought about his feelings. How did that make him feel? Before I made him feel any worse about the situation I just moved on by telling him he’s not a nerd , he laughed and said Mommy I know , it was just not nice . That was one week ago , I saw the little girl that called him a nerd ask him to play with her on the swings this week . See how resilient children are . Fill them with positivity and structure and they will be well rounded adults…Basically
Tesha
You make so many great points. I worry so much about raising kids these days because they have so much to worry about! And you’re right, so many don’t know how to be polite or caring for others. We’re raised or taught now to be competitive and be the best at all costs and only look out for ourselves. But that’s not how you embrace each other and get along with others. This is why I struggle with potentially having kids at all! Kids are so easily molded and it’s a lot to try to mold them into functioning human beings let alone being a positive person in the world! It’s a lot to think about.
Parenting is not a job we can call it quit and parents have to keep educating themselves with the right value in order to guide and teach their children. I totally agree with fill the children with positive remarks, environment so that they grow up to be a happy person.
No experience as parent but I do see mothers doing all great things for their children. Immensely appreciate.
love this post. i am currently a parent to a 15 month old with another on the way. i often struggle with wondering how i am going to raise her (how i am already raising her) and how things will be when the new baby comes. it’s daunting but i loved your insight on just teaching kids what they need to know. i think i have the right mindset for that & thankfully my daughter is already independent.
– cassy | blissfullyher.com
You’ll do well. Congratulations
This is such a great post and I really enjoyed reading this. I am so proud of your son that he was able to handle that situation in a right manner and I am so jealous of how innocent the child is. I hope I can guide my children in a right way and in a right manners.
I am forever greatful to my parents for not being overly pushy or guiding, I think free willl is my most important gift!
Parenting is the hardest job ever yet it is the most beautiful experience I ever had.
You have a valid point about the average person not being able to effectively relate, but I don’t think that’s the main problem with customer service. Speaking from personal experience, I’ve worked in call centers for 3+ years and I’d say 95% of the time if you run into a rep who isn’t quite a peppy or empathetic it is probaby because they have been dealing with less than cooperative customers all shift long. A little empathy and patience can go a long way on both sides of a conversation.
My dad has always to me that if you follow an ignorant child home you will find an ignorant parent. I have a nine month who I am already teaching right and wrong to because he is a black boy who already has the system set up against him. This is a great post!
My children love talking to adults. In fact I think they *prefer* talking to adults in many cases. They know how to be polite and I wouldn’t expect any less from them.
Parenting is a challenging job indeed but I think you make a good point when you say “Fill them with positivity and structure and they will be well rounded adults”
You made a ton of interesting points. I especially can relate with your comments about customer service. Many people nowadays do not know how to talk to people. Even basic politeness is scarce. I recently read a story about a little boy who was punished by his teacher for calling her “ma’am” Talk about ridiculous.
Thank you for sharing your parenting experiences in hopes to help others. Parenting techniques are always evolving and changing. Teaching my children to love and respect others is top of my parenting goals.