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So my mother and I were having a conversation about relationships . And we both had differing opinions on how to handle relationships. I trust everything my mother tells me and I try to take into account what she says and live by her principles but this is one thing that has challenged me my entire life. I just don’t believe that we have to like everybody and talk to everyone just because we are in association with each other . I find it hard to devote myself to this aspect of life . I know you are wondering why I feel this way but I have a history of dealing with individuals and it started at a young age . So at this age it is just difficult to change my ways.
I’ve told you guys this before but I am the daughter of two pastors. My Dad started pastoring before I was born and before he was married to my mother . I grew up with a lot of people around me . My mother was also a hairstylist and for a few years she did hair at our home. Again I grew up with a lot of people around me. I wasn’t as sensitive to people as I am now growing up. I believed in my heart that everyone was a good person. I thought that if they were around me they were genuine. I thought if I was nice to people they would be nice to me . And then one day out of the clear blue someone told me that they didn’t like me . I was destroyed. For the life of me I don’t know why I was so devastated by one person telling me that they didn’t like me . But if you run with a group of girls and one girl hates you there is a major trickle down effect . Pretty soon nobody will like you . As a pastors daughter I wasn’t taught hate. I didn’t know how to hate , I didn’t know how to defend and I couldn’t understand why someone would just not like me. I was 4. One of my bigger cousins told me how to react to those little girls who didn’t like me ( she taught me how to roll my eyes ) . I didn’t know that these eyes could create hatred to those you were doing it to (LOL).
I went to school two years later , made a few friends . And then it happened again . What did I do? I never understood. I just learned to cope with it . I learned to just talk to everyone . Play by myself when applicable and make my way thru school. I made a few best friends throughout middle school and high school , no real lasting relationships. I had already learned in Kindergarten that people don’t have to be nice to you just because you are nice to them .So having a friends was something that was important but I learned how to cope by having general conversations with everyone. I became a pretty likable person , and though I hated school and graduated without a best friend I made it through school and the cycle started again in high school.
See I am one of those outgoing girls. I’m silly I love to laugh and make people around me laugh. But I am also okay to be alone . Because of my track record with friends I’m cautious. At least I try to be cautious. By the time I graduated from college I realized that the only people who were going to be in my life are the ones I want to be in my life. I was 22 years old when I developed that mantra for my life . I’ve felt the best when I have allowed people to enter when I want them to enter.
Now it isn’t always something that you can do when you are the daughter of the Pastor. Sometimes your choices makes people think that you don’t like them . I love everyone in my parents church . I cannot deny that but does that mean that I need to share a coke with them , does that mean that I have to be around whenever they call for the family to come in . Here is my thing about this …we are just supposed to love. There is nothing that is written that says I have to converse. This is especially important to me because people tend to change churches a lot . My parents invest so much time and attention in people and then one day they are gone , are we still friends? Do we still talk? 9 times out of ten we don’t .
I know this sounds more like a rant but its just my reality … it is what it is basically
Tesha
I say that often – it is what it is. And I feel my friends situation falls in this “it is what it is” category. My childhood was similar to yours. Not the pastor parents but the few friends and no lasting relationships. I see the same in my 14 year old son, and the only thing I can tell him is that some of us are maybe just not designed for the lifelong friendships others tend to acquire so easily. Maybe because we don’t mind being alone.