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So we had a snow week end that turned into a snow week . The day before school let out I had two girls come home with a stomach ache and a sore throat. We figured that they planned this considering that the time they got home they were in a different spirit. We missed the basketball game that night and our weekly hair appointments because I feared that they may in fact be sick. By Saturday I had enough and took the kids out for a lunch date as well as a time to play . All kids need some sort of recreation , daily whether its 10 degrees outside of 100 they need that time to play . We had plans to make them tired on Saturday and it worked . We attended church Sunday morning and Sunday night my youngest daughter came down with a fever . The next morning she was still running a fever and then the baby boy was sick.
We live in a different city from where my husband works. He usually works 80 miles from home . With traffic that’s about 2 hours away . Generally if he works late it will mean that he will get home around 8:00 PM or before 7:00 PM . This week because the South is not equipped for snow meant that he was off work for 2 days. What does this mean for me , well it means that my day still never ends, like ever. And for the most part I am okay with that . I have gotten used to it but it’s not exactly how I expected like to be in my 30’s after I went so many years in college. So there are days that I am cynical in my approach to being a stay at home Mommy . It actually helps me manage. Meanwhile what makes me so frustrated is the people who don’t seem to understand what being a stay at home mom really means.
So when I had my daughter and lost my full time job( well kinda…long story) in the same year it was a no brainer that I would be home with then one baby , a year later another came and a year after that we had another baby. So for about 3 years we had just babies in the house. And it was not a chance that I would get out the house . Well at least for about 7 years . And in those 7 years I’ve been in charge of everything related to our household. And in those 7 years I have not spent one night away from them. The only vacation I’ve had away from them is when I was in the hospital having them . We all know that is no vacation. I’m sitting here trying to remember a night or a date with out the kids and I cannot . I think we went out for a hour on our 5th wedding anniversary. However the amount of time I spend with my kids cannot compare to any job I’ve ever had . The many hours it takes me to keep the clothes washed and the groceries bought. Not to mention getting the kids to school and from school, participating in every activity from ball games to homeroom mom duties and those pesky projects add up and even a long work day for my husband can never equal out to what Mom’s do daily?
So why do we think that it is acceptable to downgrade a stay at home mother. I honestly never knew what women did who didn’t work. I imagined that they go to the mall daily , and were free to do things with their kids willfully. I didn’t know the amount of work it required to be a mother and run a house. I wonder how my mother did it and successfully ran two hair salons and a daycare center. She maintained and in the midst of that she and my Dad teamed together and raised all 3 of us. I never once heard my Dad tell my mother , you haven’t worked as hard as me and vice versa. But now I hear that so much …you have it easy being home with your kids. Oh so you get a break often? That must be great being home with your kids , you don’t ever have to get dressed. Why would one assume that its so much easier being home with your kids. The easy part is being at work and letting someone else keep your kids and only having about 4 hours in the afternoon to do homework and go to bed . Imagine if you will , there is never a break in the day. Kids don’t sleep till 12 they are always hungry and then life happens. Not only are you taking care of the kids you are taking care of life. And if your husband works late hours like mine , that includes car maintenance,taking out the garbage, house maintenance and yard work if need be. Its a fortunate situation to be in but its not to be taken lightly.
The funny thing is when I see meme’s that say if you have a good man then you shouldn’t be doing any of the things that I mentioned above . I always laugh and say well if he’s there to do all of those things it means that he doesn’t work . Well not very hard because most of those things are done BEFORE my husband gets home from work.
So let’s stop thinking less of people who have made this as a career choice. We are engineers in our own right. We deserve tax breaks, back rubs and weekly shopping trips . Plus I still work in addition to being home . It’s nothing wrong in accepting the fact that we do get tired too …well basically
Tesha
Good blog!