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Recently, and after school started, my life was filled with the things I needed to do for my children, the house, and then for my husband. I had consumed myself with all the things that everyone needed from me, and I had kind of forgotten to dream. There was a time in my life when I used to set aside a few hours in the day just for me. And honestly, I’m not sure how I made that happen, but it happened. And thank God I recognized what I was missing before it was too late.
I thought that I needed to do something about it. Because to me, I don’t even look the same. I know that I don’t think the same… and I don’t even dream the same. The crazy part is that if you ask me a simple question like, Where do you want to vacation and I would give you an answer, the problem was that my answer was so robotic. That made me question my own answers. I realized I was not dreaming. I’m existing in a world that I don’t even like, mostly.
My day starts mainly unrested, my daughter is not a great sleeper, and the other two don’t recognize schedules. I start by cleaning whatever is left after the midnight snacking happened. Then I wake everyone up, daily, even when my husband is home. After cleaning, I make sure the dishwasher is empty and the laundry is folded and put away, I make up beds, and then sweep, dust, and vacuum. Every other day, I clean bathrooms and water the plants ( at least the ones on the back porch). I get the little one fed and dressed and then off to school. Next, it’s time for the big girls, checking daily their progress. Then it’s errand time, pay the light bill, pay the gas bill, call the cable in, pay the mortgage, get gas, Port needs long pants, PK needs shoes, Palmer needs to go to this practice, the baby needs shots. Anthony’s clothes need to be dry-cleaned. Oh, and I have a never-ending relationship with the grocery store. When it’s all done…I am home in time to prepare dinner, feed the kids, look over emails and homework, and repeat my morning cycle. When is there ever time to dream?
First things first, I recognized the problem. I took steps to help myself. And they were tiny steps, like getting in the bed earlier so that I could have more time to myself. Finding books that I could enjoy and learn from. Writing in a journal daily, even when I have nothing to say. And taking a few minutes out of my day, just for me. No texts, no phone calls, no TV…just a moment of silence to think, which allows me the time to be thankful for where I am in life. I even started pinning ideas on Pinterest, which allows me to open my mind to dream again.
We do a vision board yearly, and each year we put small goals on our board. Each year, we typically mark off two or 3 things we accomplished, and yearly I make it a priority to win in those two or three places. One year, my husband placed on his board that he wanted to travel more. We were not in agreement with this plan because at that time I wanted…a house, new furniture, a new car, etc. Since that time, he’s traveled to Scotland, Italy, Germany, Qatar, Israel, Alaska, Hawaii, and more. And I, well, I have been at home in the house that I wanted with the furniture that I wanted, driving the new truck that I wanted. I considered his lone desire to travel to be a selfish dream, considering the practicality of my dream. I was dreaming for my family, but in retrospect, sometimes you have to selfishly dream for yourself…
Basically
Tesha
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