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One day I suddenly had a facebook inbox message from someone that I had not heard from in some time. She said she was desperately in need and wanted to know if I could help her. Being the person that I am, I knew that if anything I could offer her some time and attention. I really thought I could help. I really thought it was the natural and normal thing for me to do . After all it was human nature.
Months and Months passed and as much as I listened , it was trouble after trouble . And day after day this individual needed more and more of my time . More and more of my attention. And pretty soon I realized that I wasn’t really helping her , and that she was actually sucking life from me. Meanwhile I was still there to help. After all that’s what I wanted to do . Soon I began noticing a change in her. She talked about having a life like me. She was pregnant when I was pregnant . She talked about my husband and my family dynamic. She asked me intimate questions that were far too personal to answer . And then she told me stories about her life , things that I didn’t want to know . And things that seemed embellished . She spoke of her family, she painted pictures of individuals that were ugly and distasteful.
One day a phone call quickly turned my world upside down . See on the other end of the phone was someone who knew the truth about her life. Within twenty-five minutes I learned that everything that she had told me over the months that she really needed me were mostly lies. My heart sped up , my ears rang, and it felt like the room was spinning. I was angry, disappointed , let down. I was there for someone who had lied to me over and over and over again. That week more and more phone calls came in . Additional lies were told to cover up the lies that were told. I was done. Tired and used up.
I started losing things, mostly time and patience and became very distrusting of friendships that I had previously . Pretty soon I had become physically ill. I suffered in silence. I became cynical. I no longer had confidence in the ability to have friends and to remain friendly. Everyone around me suffered until I was able to understand what was going on .
One day out of the blue a light bulb came on , I realized who she was and the role I played in her life. And if I had listened to earlier conversations I would have realized that she had a long track record of this . One Sunday morning while I was in church walking to my seat, not really thinking of anything , a word came to me and it made what I suffered prior come alive . The word was Parasite. I had to take a moment and really consider the word. See often when we think about parasites we think about some microscopic object that enters into something unknowingly. Parasites tend to be something small that would possibly enter your body without permission. Usually you do not think of a person being a Parasite but it happens, and it happens a lot more than you would ever imagine.
A Parasite is an organism that lives in or on another organism , it benefits from its host by taking nutrients from its host. A person that is a parasite does basically the same thing , they attach themselves to some unassuming person and completely sucks the life and even your worth. Which is why everyday I spoke with her I lost more and more of myself .
I have seen this so many times and many times I myself would have never thought I would become a victim to parasitic people. Honestly there really is no way of avoiding without knowing what to look for in the beginning. After months of trying to process what had just happened. Discussing things with some of my good friends, having my husband and my mother helping me process this ( healthier ) I realized that more and more this is normal. It happens to best of us.
I learned a dear lesson. One of those lessons that I will never have to repeat because now I can see all the red flags. Looking forward here are somethings to pay attention to when considering friendships and relationships. All relationships are give and take. If someone is taking more than they give…they are more than likely parasitic.
A parasitic person makes you feel like you’re the best person in the world. The only person that can help them in their journey of life. They spend a lot of time discussing what they don’t have and comparing and contrasting things that you do have . Making you feel bad for them at the same time you tend to feel pretty good about your life.
A parasitic person never has anything to offer. Usually and always there is a sad story. Always someone has done them badly. They are always the victim. They find ways to work the system. Which includes and not limited to randomly suing individuals, fraudulent claims , mishandling of funds, blaming people for doing things that they didn’t do . Constant troubles where reasoning and understanding is never an option . A parasitic person never takes responsibility for their actions. If they fall down in a crowd where no one pushed them , someone will take the blame and its usually the one that’s the host. It’s always someone else’s fault.
A parasitic person is always sick, depressed , or hurt. Seriously if they weren’t sick someone around them was ill. And they took pleasure in doctors office visits and hospital stays . Somehow those things added value to their life. Sympathy is something that they crave and the worse off they are the better. Typically what we call a headache to them it would be something much worse including near death.
A parasitic person doesn’t try to improve their life. Their angle is to find a person to help them get to the place they want to go. Their idea of success is being with a successful person . The only amount of success they will usually achieve is convincing someone that they could be successful with them . And if they aren’t willing to take them on their journey it is there goal to make your life miserable.
Lastly , a parasitic person always needs a host. You have to make the decision that you wanna use your energy , time and life to support a parasite. It’s really something to think about . Well….Basically
Tesha
Well I have been through this but not through a friend but on my very first case with a patient. And to be honest since childhood I have major trust issues. So it kind of helped me. Moreover this problem with “parasite humans” suffer from psychopath-ism. All I will say is no matter whoever the person is please donot trust anyone blindly…
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this person and she used your kindness to feed upon you .,,, I know exactly how you feel and have dealt with people like this that just dragged me down until I learned the truth and let them go…
It is sad to learn about how unwanted guest has been abusing you and take granted of your kindness and time. I think parasite person is an accurate word to describe such person. Thanks for sharing your encounter.
This was a great read. Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. We encounter parasitic people in our journey mire often than we realize so I’ve learned to ask God when someone new comes into my life; what is their purpose, what am I to gleam from them and what is my purpose for them.
Thanks again
Oh my! The story sounds a bit scary and totally makes me cauticious about myself. We should always try to take a closer look. Thank you for this post
I’ve definitely been through what you went through many times before I learned. But it’s in my nature to help when I can, I feel bad when I can’t help someone. It’s really hard because when I don’t help, I feel selfish. But you have to look out for your own wellbeing. Mostly, these “parasites” you talk about have some unresolved issues to deal with and latching onto another person is not really helping them to resolve that issue within them.
I read this post nodding along, recognising the traits you have described – because unfortunately I too have had these kind of parasitic “friends” in my life. I’m glad you were able to get rid of her 🙂 x
I am sorry to read you had to go through this. It sounds like your “friend” was not a friend at all.
It is so hard when someone in your life takes up your time and then lies to you. I find that when people become successful the best and worst come out of people close to you.
Great post!
Wow. I’m so sorry you had to go through this experience. I’m glad you realized who this person was, and got control of the situation.